Great news for anybody who thought the Shohei Ohtani betting scandal sounded like it was scripted by the folks at Bravo: ESPN is reporting that when Ippei Mizuhara wired the money to the bookie’s runner, that runner was a character on Real Housewives of Orange County. Ryan Boyajian. Sadly, not one of the housewives. Presumably one of their husbands? I don’t know. I’ve never watched a Real Housewives show. They struck me as vaguely pornographic when I saw commercials for them in my youth, and VH1 and E! already had that lane covered.
Robert Kraft Found His Black People
For those wondering if Robert Kraft would successfully be able to find two Black people, we have an update: He found one, and he found another who isn’t Black but counts counts. Brandon Hunt, director of scouting for the Philadelphia Eagles, is Black. Samir Suleiman, former VP of football administration for the Panthers, is probably a racial minority? I can’t confirm. He doesn’t have a Wikipedia page.
The backstory here is that the rest of the NFL assumes the Patriots are going to promote Eliot Wolf to the open position atop their front office (executive vice president of football operations), given they let Wolf guide the organization through a draft in which they purportedly drafted a franchise quarterback. Eliot Wolf, though, is white, and the NFL has the Rooney Rule, which says organizations must interview a specific number of people who aren’t white before they give the job to someone white. This rule was not intended to be demeaning.
Knowing the job’s probably going to Wolf, three different top Black general manager candidates reportedly turned down interviews for the job, which only increased the chances of Robert Kraft calling up a massage parlor in Florida and asking if they had any (redacted) available that afternoon. Thankfully, Hunt agreed to an interview, and Suleiman now has as well. What a relief. We were getting close to an Aaron Hernandez séance.
Does LSU Hate Brian Kelly?
Yesterday, while addressing his program’s failure to land defensive line help in the transfer portal, Brian Kelly said, “We are not in the market of buying players.” To which everyone else said, “You know you coach LSU, right?”
What if, though. What if Kelly isn’t lying? What if LSU’s boosters, two and a half years into the Brian Kelly experience, decided they don’t want to hang out with him anymore? What if they’re starving him out?
Who Can Throw Fireworks at Whom?
A French soccer club, Troyes, has suspended four players for throwing flares and smoke bombs back at fans after fans threw flares and smoke bombs onto the field. Kind of silly, right? If someone throws a firework at you, you should be allowed to throw it back. Hot potato.
Etc.
The NIT:
- Congratulations to Tulsa on sweeping the tennis NIT, winning both the men’s and the women’s tournaments. Should more AAC teams have made Tennis’s NCAA Tournaments????????????????
Chicago:
- Well the Michael Busch walkoff homer was fun, and thank goodness it happened, because Dylan Cease came out today and was a real bully to the Cubs’ lineup. Shōta Imanaga continues to be the man.
Joe Kelly, Burnley, and the Ottawa Senators:
- Remember when the Sens lost a first-round pick because Pierre Dorion forgot to tell the Knights that Evgenii Dadonov had a no-trade clause? Well, they get to pick which first-round pick they lose—this year’s, 2025’s, or 2026’s—and they confirmed today they won’t give up this year’s. The funny scenario, of course, is one where they’re even worse the next two years or manage to win the lottery in 2026 and have to give the pick up. It would be so Sens.
- With Ottawa officially picking 7th (unless they trade it or the league contracts), the slim majority of mock drafts I’m seeing have them taking Zayne Parekh, a 17-year-old blueliner currently in the OHL. We will monitor.
- The Belleville Sens resume their Calder Cup pursuit tonight, playing Game 3 of the North Division semis in Cleveland against the Monsters. Series is tied 1–1.
- Nottingham Forest’s appeal was unsuccessful, so their points deduction stands. Final answer, then, on what Burnley needs to avoid relegation: Burnley beats Tottenham, Chelsea beats Nottingham, Burnley beats Nottingham, and Luton Town loses at least once in their games against West Ham and Fulham. Easy peasy.
