Yeah, now you’re reading my notes, you little shits. Guy threatens to move to Argentina and/or Afghanistan and suddenly you’re all about him again. Too bad I really did it and this message is reaching you from an alternate universe where I didn’t do it and there isn’t a guy who looks a lot like me in my apartment back in Texas calling himself “Joe Stunardi” and holding the legal documentation to prove it.
The Fetch conversation was kind of boring. They were professional; they didn’t really offer any explanation for anything beyond how they came to exist*; they acknowledged that they do a terrible job (a lot of, ‘yeah, that’s unacceptable,’ or things of that nature); they said they’re working on it; my building manager explained that it was actually her call and not a corporate call to use Fetch, claiming that we don’t have a room big enough for package lockers while we sat in a room plenty big for package lockers. My impression now is that Fetch makes things easier for building management by taking the problem off their hands, and that it’s a low-enough priority for renters that management doesn’t pay any cost for their misdeeds. Am I going to file a lawsuit? No, I don’t seem to have any legal grounds here. Am I going to leave a one-star Google review of the building when we finally move out and ascribe it all to Fetch like the petty little betch that I am? Maybe, depends how the rest of the lease goes and whether we can move into our friends’ corner apartment down the hall with the sweet view of downtown once they successfully buy a house. Am I going to find the good people who work for Fetch and slowly poach them to work for The Barking Crow in a micro-John Galt situation until the company fully crumbles in upon itself? Yes. That will happen. Fetch and I cannot coexist. One must destroy the other. I can tolerate a lot of scams. This is not one I can tolerate. It’s you or me, “package delivery service.”
*I do wonder if the founder saw a real problem for building management, thought he could change it, and is now just in over his head because he can’t get the damn thing to work but he’s also making tons of money. A lot of grift probably happens that way. Golden handcuffs, and such.
Moving on.
Has Tony La Russa Shadow-Banned Joe Kelly?
Joe Kelly hasn’t pitched since the lightheaded incident, but he also isn’t on the IL. Puzzling situation. We’re keeping an eye on it.
Mason Ramsey Will Let You Drown
This kid never misses.
The Half-Gallon Approach to Milk Is Working
I’m drinking more milk than I have in months. Cleaning through the half-gallons. Should I switch back to full gallons? I’m not sure. But it seems like buying chocolate-covered graham cracker squares and dark chocolate peanut butter cups instead of ice cream is getting me to pair those suckers with milk. Might go back to dunkers if I make the grocery run this weekend. Might. No promises.
The Fargs Is Having a Great Week, As Is Her Custom
Fargo is passed the Fargs out right now, and it’s earlier than normal. Hit her with the second walk, and when she wanted to go sit on the balcony, I kept her out there long enough to get good and hot. Am I spending hours strategizing in a constant battle to exhaust my dog enough for her to stop barking at me and hitting me in the leg with toys? Yes. That is exactly what is happening here. Every morning until she enters Snoozle Mode™.
We’re working on the training. Step by fluffy-pawed step.
Burnley Tied
Tied with Hull City (which is a town of 250,000-ish on the east coast of England, near York—it’s giving me Toledo vibes), but it was at home so it felt like a loss. Still generating way more chances than the opponents, just not quite as lockdown defensively as in the Ben Mee/James Tarkowski years and then the finishing isn’t happening, though getting Jay Rodriguez in there instead of Ashley Barnes might’ve helped. Ashley Barnes is a good defensive striker, I think, by which I mean he causes enough havoc that if it’s low-scoring, you’re helped. Diverts resources away from trying to score because the opponent’s too busy trying to keep Ashley Barnes from digging a hole and burying them in it and then asking the ref why they didn’t get a yellow card for hitting him with a body-check on their way under. When you need to score, though? Not exactly the guy you want.
In happier news, we were following the Swansea/Millwall match and Swansea blew a 2-0 lead in the last three minutes of stoppage time on a pair of own goals. That’s the funniest thing that can happen on a soccer field, right?
I’m really enjoying the Championship.
**
Viewing schedule for the day:
1:05 PM EDT: Cubs @ Nationals, MLB TV
Going for that series win, and if you close your eyes and remember it’s the Nationals, I can tell you from experience that it can feel like the late 2010’s again. At least for a moment.
8:10 PM EDT: Astros @ White Sox, MLB TV
I guess this is a four-game series, so if Joe Kelly doesn’t get in tonight, there’s at least always tomorrow.
