Last night, with the Mariners leading the Astros 5-4 in the ninth inning, Héctor Neris hit Ty France with a fastball. Earlier in the game, Dylan Moore—he of the massive grand slam last summer to beat Houston—had been hit by Cristian Javier with a fastball, so after France got drilled, benches cleared. Warnings were issued, a couple coaches got ejected, things simmered but it looked like we’d get into the night without further incident. Then, Julio Rodríguez took Neris yard (just as Cal Raleigh had done to Javier immediately after the Moore HBP), and after walking J.P. Crawford, Neris unleashed one at Eugenio Suárez’s head. Missed it, thankfully. Neris and Baker were ejected, by rule (you can’t throw in the immediate vicinity of a cranium after receiving a warning), the game eventually ended with the Mariners winning.
I don’t really think Neris was throwing at guys. He had no control. I don’t think he wasn’t throwing at guys—that one towards Suárez’s head looked a lot like a frustrated dude throwing a ball as hard as he could with no regard for where it ended up—but I don’t think Neris intentionally tried to end Suárez’s life. Javier? Did he hit Moore intentionally? Maybe. That one was suspicious, but it’d be pretty weird. Intentional or not, the Mariners had cause to be pissed, and Dusty Baker going at Moore in the ninth-inning kerfuffle (when Moore was going to try to retrieve France) was odd. None of that really pisses me off, though. What pisses me off is this:
Dusty Baker holds himself to a different standard. And that standard is lower than the one to which he holds everybody else. In 2020, during the Alex Bregman incident, he cussed at Joe Kelly from the dugout, didn’t know he’d been caught on a hot mic, then bitched about how Joe Kelly had used the word “bitch” at Carlos Correa when the inning ended. Last night, he—he of the pearl-clutching over Kelly throwing a ball four feet behind Bregman’s back—excused Neris’s near-doming of Suárez in the postgame press conference. If it’s dangerous when someone else puts a scare into your cheating bastard of a third baseman, why isn’t it dangerous when your own pitcher throws one 90% closer to an actual human head because he’s frustrated that he’s getting embarrassed by a division rival?
The guy is a little like Coach K, just without the winning. Media who haven’t lived in a city in which he’s managed (aside from Houston, which still likes the guy because he’ll excuse the Astros’ ethos, which is sin incarnate and not the fun kind) adore him, and their adoration—as so often happens with press box/Twitter groupthink—goes so far that it’s unfathomable to them that others don’t like the guy. It’s so unfathomable that they, like Seth Davis and others who “watch college basketball” for a living, think the hate is a joke. It’s not a joke. We hate Dusty Baker. We see through his façade. He’s a bad person. Is what he’s accomplished cool, historically? Yes. So, so cool. But that doesn’t excuse him being a morally vacant butthead.
Texas Forever
What a night for the Longhorns.
Oklahoma losing their first game yesterday had the weird effect of making me think the first Texas/Oklahoma State game didn’t matter. My logic went that clearly, softball teams don’t try if they entered the semifinal from the winner’s bracket side, but then they try when it’s a do-or-die game and obliterate their opposition. This seemed to be confirmed when the Cowgirls jumped out to that 5-0 lead in Game 2.
Then, Courtney Day snuck that ball out of the park.
Even then, there was a reasonable vibe interpretation which dictated that because the home run had touched the wall, needing every inch to get the Horns on the board, and because Texas was still down a pair of runs, the Horns weren’t going to pull it off. It had a last-stand aura, and while Jordyn Whitaker’s leadoff walk in the fifth gave way to some feelings of life, the Janae Jefferson strikeout kept that vibe going. It just didn’t seem possible. And yet it was. A trio of singles later, the rattled Cowgirls let in the go-ahead run, and Hailey Dolcini made it stand.
The biggest win for Texas since Shaka Smart was still in Austin? I mean that seriously. (Why do I have to clarify when I mean things seriously?)
Super Regionals? More Like…Oh, They Already Said Super
The eight college baseball Super Regionals are set:
Tennessee vs. Notre Dame
These fanbases seem like they couldn’t be more different, speaking about college sports at large, but there’s a key similarity in that each knows well the pain of absolutely stinking at football while thinking you should be much better. Has been longer for the Irish, but they know.
Stanford vs. UConn
The women’s basketball rivalry turns to the diamond, where evidently UConn has a baseball program?
Oregon State vs. Auburn
I feel like Auburn fans are going to expect Oregon State fans to be alarmed at them but only because they’ve underestimated the blue-collar portions of the state of Oregon. I’d take the Beaver faithful in a fight. I mean that seriously too.
Virginia Tech vs. Oklahoma
The Big 12’s softball dominance either signifies that the league’s baseball is wholly inferior this year or that it’s on another level and that the Hokies are about to be pummeled.
Texas A&M vs. Louisville
Younger siblings commiserate. “Yeah, you are really good at baseball! And football, too. Really! Yes! I know. They just never notice. Definitely. One of the best rivalries in sports!”
East Carolina vs. Texas
My impression is that in all sports but the ones people care about nationally, Texas expects to win at all times, which is exactly what you want from Texas. ECU’s definitely going to be referred to as Eastern Carolina, Coastal Carolina, and East Carolina State on the HORN this week.
North Carolina vs. Arkansas
Hogs fans seem like they could utterly terrify the city of Chapel Hill. I hope they do.
Southern Miss vs. Mississippi
Mississippi State has to be rending its garments right now.
Let’s Talk About the Brian Kelly Documentary
I don’t think Brian Kelly’s first year at LSU is going to go badly. He’s had success pretty much everywhere he’s coached, expectations are relatively low because the last two years went so roughly for the Baton Rougers, there’s a lot of talent there to work with, I believe LSU has artificial turf and a jumbotron, the absence of which held him back so notably in South Bend. But with LSU announcing a “documentary detailing LSU Football coach Brian Kelly’s first season in Baton Rouge, from his arrival in December through the fall of 2022,” I can’t help but be excited. The best case is that the thing does explode and that LSU decides to actually dig in and twist the knife on its own guy, trying to drum up material its boosters will remember should the school ever want to buy the guy out. The worst case is that LSU doesn’t address the fake drawl at the women’s basketball game or the infamous Tik Tok and we get to rip LSU to shreds for being cowards. $8.99 is a hefty price, but not when it’s a business expense.
It’s All Up to the Rangers
The Oilers were eliminated last night by the Avalanche in a scene eerily reminiscent of last year’s comedown for the best Canadian team left standing. Two years in a row, a Canadian team has convinced us they’re capable of being competitive only to get absolutely annihilated immediately after doing said convincing. Now, it’s up to the Rangers to defeat the dastardly Coloradan Carpetbaggers and restore hockey to its natural place in the hockey world while simultaneously bringing back sports in New York and saving the United States from certain demise. No pressure, Igor (so much pressure, Igor, this is all on you).
Joakim Kemell to Ottawa?
I looked at Corey Pronman’s mock draft today, desperate for Ottawa Senators content, and he’s got a guy named Joakim Kemell ending up with the Sens at number 7. He’s a winger, he’s Finnish, and I assume that means he knows how to finish. I also assume that because his name is Joakim and because the only other Joakim of which I know is Joakim Noah, the coolest NBA player in history, Kemell’s vibes are excellent.
Still sounds like trading the pick is fairly likely, but if Pierre Dorion decides to let it ride, I’m on board. Get a Finn to complete the Tim Stützle-Artem Zub vibe arc across northern Europe.
**
Viewing schedule:
3:10 PM EDT: Rangers @ Guardians (MLB TV)
One game this afternoon.
7:05 PM EDT: Cubs @ Orioles (MLB TV)
I’ll give Keegan Thompson the big screen.
8:00 PM EDT: Rangers @ Lightning (ESPN, second screen)
So much at stake in Tampa. Terrifying.
8:10 PM EDT: Mariners @ Astros (MLB TV, keeping an eye on it)
Need to be ready to pounce on Dusty Baker if he’s causing more problems.
9:40 PM EDT: Mets @ Padres (MLB TV)
Late-night Yu Darvish. For the people.
