We did not get the UT/Texas A&M Super Regional hosting bidding war. We did get three other dramatic developments:
Indiana vs. Kentucky
In the championship of the Lexington Regional, a regional beset by head-shaking from its outset due to the NCAA letting Kentucky host when—thanks to a music festival—there weren’t enough hotels available for opposing players and those players stayed in UK student dorms, Kentucky and Indiana made clear that they fucking hate each other.
It’s refreshing for Kentucky and Indiana to fucking hate each other. It’s a throwback to a simpler time. Back in the day, authoritarianism was on the global decline and Kentucky and Indiana fucking hated each other. What refreshed the hatred? It’s unclear, but IU coach Jeff Mercer and UK coach Nick Mingione had words for one another, and it looked like UK AD Mitch Barnhart was ready to imagine John Calipari’s face on Mercer’s head if his fist got the opportunity. Reasons offered include:
- Kentucky allegedly canceled a nonconference game with Indiana.
- Kentucky was getting creepily close to Indiana players while Indiana warmed up.
- Indiana hit a bunch of Kentucky players with pitches.
- Kentucky players leaned into a bunch of pitches.
Great reasons. And, with the Indiana fans I see online being pompous pricks about this next thing, a beautiful medley of hatred letting us all pick the side of simply laughing at them both.
Indiana State vs. Nobody, ft. TCU
While Indiana and Kentucky fucking hate each other, Indiana State and TCU are becoming fast friends. Indiana State won the Terre Haute Regional, and with TCU winning the Fayetteville Regional in an upset, that should have created a Terre Haute Super Regional. Instead, Indiana State put out a statement that said, paraphrased, We do not have enough people to run a Super Regional right after running a Regional and a conference tournament, and also the Indiana Special Olympics are in town for the 51st straight year, so we don’t have hotel space. So, we’ve got a Fort Worth Super Regional, and TCU fans responded by making their layup, immediately beginning to fundraise for the Indiana Special Olympics.
Tennessee vs. Reason, ft. Southern Miss
We did get one bidding war, and that was between Tennessee and Southern Miss to host their Super Regional. The NCAA eventually gave it to Hattiesburg, probably because the teams are similar in quality and Southern Miss had better attendance this year. Tennessee fans are, of course, overjoyed, because now they get to allege a conspiracy against them. It’s like when they got mad at the College Football Playoff committee for ranking them behind Alabama after they barely beat Bama in a home game and finished off their own playoff dream by letting South Carolina drag its Gamecocks across their face. In fact, that’s the exact thing they’re doing:
Tennessee fans need to learn that nobody cares enough about Tennessee to want or need to hold them back. I hope Tennessee fans never learn that.
The Point in a Hockey Blowout Where It Becomes Time to Hurt One Another
Something I adore about the NHL, and especially about the Stanley Cup Playoffs, is that once the game is out of reach, the trailing team’s sole objective becomes to make heads roll. It’s not as direct as, “We’re losing this game, it doesn’t matter if I get a 10-minute penalty, I’m going to remove that man’s head so he can’t play later this week.” It’s actually, “We’re losing this game, it doesn’t matter if I get a 10-minute penalty, I’m going to remove that man’s head to fire up my team and build some momentum going into the next game.” It’s the same thing in practice—everyone’s trying to remove everyone else’s head—but the second one sounds morally fine, and it being the authentic line of thinking makes it even better cover.
More Like Elly De La LOSE!
Apologies to the Reds, I really don’t mind the Reds, but star prospect Elly De La Cruz is on his way to the Big Leagues and I simply could not keep myself from turning the last word of his name into Lose. I couldn’t stop myself! I’m sorry, Elly, but if this means we’re enemies, this means we’re enemies. Also, statistically, you’re going to lose more than you win over the first six years of your career. You play for the Reds, and MLB arbitration/service time/free agency is all sorts of fucked.
In other NL Central news, the Phil Cuzzi game was hilarious. I think the Cubs might have lost because of Phil Cuzzi, and that’s legitimately fun. It’s not rare for a blown call to decide history or decide a game—that’s happened with no-hitters and such here and there—but for an ump to be so constantly bad that you can look at a 5–0 loss and say, “Honestly, that might have been Phil Cuzzi,” is astounding. Bravo, Phil. Great at checking for sticky hands, though. No sticky hand gets past Phil Cuzzi.
UNC Lost a Commitment
Aw, man!!!!!! UNC lost the 34th-best incoming freshman in the country!!!!!! I’m so sad for them!!!!!!
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part of Simeon Wilcher decommitting from UNC is that it’s bad for UNC. The second-best part of Simeon Wilcher decommitting from UNC is that UNC fans are talking about honoring commitments and doing the right thing with no sense of irony. UNC fans need to learn that they can’t get away with being gigantic irony-proof douchebags forever without us catching on, and that the further we get from Coach K, the more we’re all going to realize that UNC is one of the most unlikable college tribes in the country. I hope UNC fans do learn that. I don’t want to hate anybody. Especially right after I made myself a mortal enemy of Elly De La Lose.
