Canada Soccer’s spying scandal continues to grow deeper, like a sinkhole under a Manitoba road. Yesterday, Rick Westhead reported for TSN that both the men’s and women’s teams have been spying, and that this has been going on for at least five years. What has Canada accomplished in soccer during this timeframe? Not too much. Only the country’s second ever World Cup qualification on the men’s side and an Olympic gold for the women.
This is where we should have known something was up. Canada, a nation a lot like ours but less populated and wintrier…those guys got good at soccer? That was weird. That was really weird. We should have started looking for the method of the cheating immediately. Instead, we trusted them. (In our defense, they’re so damn nice.)
The more people involved with a conspiracy, the likelier it is someone cracks. In this light, it’s mind-blowing that Canada kept doing this while moving through multiple head coaches. To be honest, this makes me wonder if every country’s soccer team spies. New head coaches came in, their assistants were spying, and Canada kept moving as though nothing had happened. Another thing: It seems like the players didn’t know? This is funniest to me because it implies the players thought they were suddenly really good, like if someone snuck a jetpack onto a sprinter without that sprinter noticing. See this statement from Stephanie Labbé, who was evidently Canada’s goalie during that 2020 gold medal run:
if anyone wants to speak about pks. i studied HARD the night before every match. Watched video of players taking pks in national team and club games. Made my own educated guesses based on that info. NO DRONE FOOTAGE was watched. Do not confuse great goalkeeping with cheating.
I know you think that, Stephanie. But did a coach ever say to you, “Hey, this woman’s probably going to go left?” Because they might have, you know, had some help in knowing that.
Labbé was not alone in issuing a statement. Here, for example, is one from Christine Sinclair that also seems to miss the point. I understand it must stink to realize your accomplishments came with the aid of cheaters, but maybe read the room a little, Canada. This is like Lori Loughlin’s daughter being really proud she got into USC.
On the bright side, I guess this is helpful for Hockey Canada? Takes the spotlight off of them for a minute. They might have covered up some recordings way more messed up than these, but at least they never looked like nerds who play with drones.
Etc.
- I didn’t want to make too big a deal of this yesterday, but I’m a little worried about how ESPN feels about the NIT. In a joint announcement yesterday, ESPN announced the field for this fall’s NIT Tip-Off. It’s a great field. Northern Iowa. Utah State. St. Bonaventure. Our beloved North Texas Mean Green. Why does this concern me? In the other half of the announcement, ESPN shared that three power conference teams and Wichita State will be playing in the ESPN Events Invitational. It seems like ESPN had the power to choose the fields, and they chose to put the big guys in the EEI? Don’t get me wrong. The NIT Tip-Off will be great. Just a little concerned, that’s all. (Also, they’re moving it to Disney World. The NIT’s New York ties take another hit.)
- Georgia wide receiver Rodarius Thomas was arrested this morning on family violence charges, marking his second career family violence arrest. A lot of people say Kirby Smart’s program can only endanger women and children through their driving, but the Bulldogs are out to prove the critics wrong.
- This is messed up, but I love announcements of racism suspensions. Take this one, about French rugby player Melvyn Jaminet, who said he wanted to headbutt an Arab and will now miss 26 to 34 weeks. Racism goes against everything you believe in? Melvyn. You said you wanted to headbutt an Arab! I feel like the apology should come after the 26 to 34 weeks. Kind of hard to buy the sweeping anti-racism claims this early. Say what you will about Thom Brennaman and Stan Bowman, but it’s at least conceivable at this point that they’ve evolved. Melvyn said he wanted to headbutt an Arab less than a month ago.
- I haven’t heard a single news story yet about condoms in the Olympic Village, and I’m happy about it. Did those make me uncomfortable? Of course. But more than that, I want Olympic athletes to have unprotected sex. It’s like a royal wedding. If the best athletes in the world all have kids with each other, the dual citizenships might become so confusing we all throw up our hands and commit to world peace. Plus…more great athletes. Theoretically. I don’t think Secretariat’s kids accomplished shit.
- One benefit of MLB TV blackouts: Joe Kelly is in Houston this weekend. I live in Austin and can’t go to Houston because I don’t want to board my dog. (I planned poorly.) I can’t watch games happening in the state of Texas on my own TV. However! I can watch them at bars that show Astros games. Sorry, honey, but I need to go eat cheese curds at Lustre Pearl East these next two days. It’s for work.
