We received this email on November 10th from a reader and brother. We’re running it now because the Packers vibes got really good right after November 10th and I wanted to see if they’d stick. Also, well, more on the diarrhea below. Sorry. Don’t read the last section if you don’t want to read about diarrhea.
NIT Stu:
As you’ve written, Aaron Rodgers made waves this offseason when he told everyone he had sat in a few ayahuasca ceremonies. He talks about it all the time. Most recently he compared the bond he shares with Mike McCarthy from winning a Super Bowl to the bond of sitting in an “aya” ceremony with someone.
The timing of Rodgers’ ayahuasca trip (pun intended) is spookily correlated with the timing of his resurgence as the NFL’s best quarterback. He looked like a QB on the back half of his career prior to the 2020 season – so much so that the team drafted his replacement. Then he took some psychedelics and BAM, he was back. This has become an easy narrative for the media to push. And Rodgers himself seems to agree with it.
But here’s the thing: I don’t think it was the ayahuasca that helped Rodgers time-travel to 2011. Because there was another thing he started doing in 2020 that could explain his resurgence. Squatting.
“I haven’t lifted this way in a long time, where I’m having PRs squatting week to week…I don’t know what the science says, but I do know what it feels like. I know I’ve felt a lot better with my legs underneath me.”
If these last few years have taught us anything, it’s that the science has to be questioned. And who am I to delineate between the metaphysical and the physical? There’s no way to know what begat what. But I think it’s time to call into question whether Rodgers should spend a bit more time with some metal on his back squatting the Packers back into the playoff picture.
Michael (redacted)
Packers owner since 2011
Son of a Packers owner
Dad of a Packers owner
(I assume he meant to include that he’s the brother of two Packers owners but hey, Will, maybe we just don’t matter to this guy)
We then received this email on December 2nd:
Postscript: I also think he should dump Blu and date billionaire heiress Mallory Edens. I think she might ground him.
First thing first, Migueleets: Why in the world would Mallory Edens want to date Aaron Rodgers? This guy is nuts.
Second thing second: You may have a point about the squats.
The thing about the ayahuasca is that it was hilarious and it gave us something to pretend Tom Brady was doing when he was clearly about to get a divorce but we didn’t have confirmation so we could still pretend he was doing something fun (like, as we said, ayahuasca). The other thing about the ayahuasca is that it became a lot less cool when the losing started.
This is how it goes with drugs. If your buddy’s using drugs and things are going well, that’s great, good for them. Once things start going badly, though, the drugs stop being fun. We use this comparison a lot, but it’s like the tuxedos in the interview scene in Step Brothers. They were cool, and then things got weird, so then they were weird.
So, my advice for anyone raising a young Packers owner: Get that kid squatting, and tell them that if they’re going to do drugs, they better keep winning while they do them. Otherwise, they get weird. (But, you know, maybe ask a doctor first. About the squats. I bet doctors are narcs about drugs. Besides opiates, I mean. The opposite of narcs about those. Major problem, how little doctors narc about opiates.)
The Funniest College Football Playoff
It’s too bad that 1) Alabama didn’t make the playoff and 2) Ohio State isn’t playing Michigan in the semifinal, because those two things happening would have been hilarious. Imagine some Michigan kid’s face, wearing whatever the modern equivalent is of what Sperry’s were in 2013 while watching his team get its head knocked off by a magically competent-again Ohio State. The worst part is that he’d expect to be able to comprehend it, Ivy Leaguer he thinks himself to be, but much as it was with the SAT subject tests, his brain just wouldn’t quite be up for the challenge. Father, quickly! Take me back to Grosse Pointe! Hearken! Away!
The Diarrhea Section
Today is my eighth day in the diarrhea world, and this world sucks. For two days, it was normal. The third day, it stopped being normal and I scampered over to HEB to buy Imodium, Gatorade, and saltines. Since then, it’s getting better? But very slowly. The worst part is that I haven’t lost very much weight and therefore must move on to my next weight-loss strategy, which is cigarettes. The best part is that at one point I pronounced “the BRAT diet” to a friend like I was talking about sausages, not about spoiled kids. I am a Midwesterner, dammit.
Speaking of the Midwest, Fargo’s bowels are fine. We took her to Arizona and back for Thanksgiving and she got a zillion thorns in her paws but her bowels are fine. Had a blast. Fargo’s living the life right now, which is way better than the situation last year at this time when she was struggling to eat because her dysfunctional stomach was backing up like my toilet did after I flushed all those matchsticks.
Speaking of the Midwest again, it’s a great season for milk, and I’m missing it. We were gonna do eggnog reviews. I want to try the Lindsay Lohan Pepsi & Milk combo. Instead I’m sneaking a short glass of milk with my cookies nightly because I’m scared of what’s waiting at 5:45 AM.
This morning was better. Hopefully tomorrow’s another solid step forward.
**
More notes…tomorrow? That would be fun. Let’s try to do that. You do your part and keep refreshing The Barking Crow’s homepage until the notes arrive, I’ll do my part and write down “Hey man, you should really do the notes,” in a reminder on my phone.
this is a good post.