Have said this elsewhere, will continue to say it, but: Happy Opening Day.
Joe Kelly Isn’t Active Yet
If you’re just now tuning into baseball, welcome, and to some extent us too. Each NIT is enough blogging material for eight lifetimes, so fitting it into one March is hard. If you know one thing entering baseball games today, it should be that Joe Kelly’s out for a few more weeks with a nerve issue we assume stems from that biceps strain he suffered putting the future of the Los Angeles Dodgers on his back last October. We’ve got the full Joe Kelly season preview here, but that’s the high-level situation.
The Cubs Have Questionable Vibes
On the one hand, the Cubs have a lot of players who were actually pretty fun down the stretch last year, or in beautiful moments earlier in the season when we still had hope. On the other hand, Patrick Wisdom is a strikeout machine, the Jason Heyward situation continues, Willson Contreras’s bat hasn’t been there for nigh three years now, the back end of the rotation is quicksand, and Nico Hoerner might just straight-up suck. Obviously, we hope he doesn’t, but that’s a possibility that’s gone pretty unacknowledged. Hopefully Nick Madrigal gets on base twice a game, Seiya Suzuki mashes, and nobody gets off to so cold of a start that it becomes a *thing.* Also hopefully Corbin Burnes doesn’t no-hit the Cubs today (2:20 PM EDT, regional television), because that’s a real possibility. Would almost rather he does that himself over a complete game than that he hands it over to the bullpen and they finish the job. Combined no-hitters are less fun for the team throwing them and more discouraging for the team being no-hit.
Funny Opening Day Starters
The fuckin’ Mets, man. Tylor Megill has to start for them today because deGrom and Scherzer are both out. Elsewhere, lot of nostalgia moves: Zack Greinke starts for the Royals. Adam Wainwright starts for the Cardinals. Patrick Corbin starts for the Nationals. Tyler Mahle starts for the Reds (I’d assume Reds fans are nostalgic for those brief moments in 2020 and last year when things felt possible). Madison Bumgarner starts for the Diamondbacks. A theory I’m working on (just thought of, but hear me out) is that teams are leaning more into what’s marketable than what helps win games this year because they’re feeling a lot of pressure to bring fans back, especially early in the season. It’s the league-wide manifestation of the Albert Pujols phenomenon in St. Louis.
BURNLEY!
God bless Charlie Taylor, God bless Maxwel Cornet, God bless poor Everton. Burnley is alive.
To be clear, Burnley is still in the relegation zone. They’re a point behind Everton and the two are even on games played. But compared to where it looked like they’d be yesterday at halftime, when they trailed 2-1 on solely yielded penalty kicks and looked downtrodden offensively…what a turnaround. It’s so fun to win a big game. So, so fun. Huge weekend ahead, with a trip to Norwich on tap while Everton hosts Man U and Leeds (six points ahead, but Burnley has two games in hand and the easier schedule) goes to Watford (we’re really just banking on Watford both playing spoiler for Leeds/Everton and not being a Burnley threat, which is possibly irrational but we’ve made our choice).
The season became one of attempted survival long ago, but it’s gotten even more firmly that way in recent weeks. A top-half finish is out of the question. A top-15 finish is almost out of the question as well. Burnley’s just trying to stay above relegation and get to the next offseason with guaranteed EPL checks still coming in. Hold on tight.
Brendan Gallagher’s a Shithead, Pt. II
Tim Stützle might be out tonight with that knee injury Gallagher said he was faking. Hope Gallagher shits sideways today. And every day. I wish him mild physical harm. Meanwhile, the Sens host Matt Gaetz’s favorite hockey team.
Unlike Burnley, the Sens have no mortal fear motivating them, but the vibes are pretty good right now and we’d like to keep it that way going into the offseason. Thirteen games left.
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Viewing schedule as follows:
- Brewers @ Cubs (2:20 PM EDT, regional TV)
- Guardians @ Royals (4:10 PM EDT, regional TV) – should catch a few good Bieber innings, gonna see enough of the Pirates and Cardinals this year
- Predators @ Senators (7:00 PM EDT, ESPN+)
- Padres @ Diamondbacks (9:40 PM EDT, regional TV) – love us our guy Yu Darvish
We may have the Masters on in the background. Cannot not acknowledge those vibes. Out of the apartment right now, but might have that on the TV for ambience and then the games on the computer. I don’t know. We’ll work with it. Not gonna watch the NASCAR Truck race. Sorry, trucks. The Sens are on, and it’s Opening Day, and Thursday night races are easy to neglect.
