If you thought Joe Kelly’s last return to Los Angeles was dramatic, the greatest pitcher in baseball history traded back to his old team at the seventh hour from a franchise even he couldn’t save, get a load of this one:
Joe Kelly isn’t hurt anymore.
After a successful weekend in Rancho Cucamonga (may we all experience a successful weekend in Rancho Cucamonga at some point in our lives), Joe Kelly is being reactivated tonight for the Dodgers before they play the Padres tonight, something which really sucks for Fernando Tatís, who was probably hoping he was done with the guy. Is Joe Kelly’s forearm 100%? We don’t know that, but we know it’s healthy enough that 1) he’s willing to give it a shot and 2) the Dodgers want him to do that. Where this ends, nobody knows, but the likeliest outcome is a third world title for the face of his generation and a late shocker in the MVP race. No, I’m not talking about Mookie Betts.
In other Joe Kelly news, someone named Joe Kelly evidently caused a little stir in Australia, but it was not our Joe Kelly so I think we can steer clear of that one. I’m not going to learn who Marcia Langton is. Not today. Not ever, if I can help it.
Seth Davis: For Us or Against Us?
I would hope that all of you who follow college basketball closely would know that I’m not all that fond of Seth Davis. I don’t know if I’ve ever said or implied this, I probably have, but I would hope it wouldn’t need to be said. Seth Davis is the kind of guy who doesn’t watch enough college basketball to know that last year’s Maui Invitational was the highlight of the first two months of the season. He’s also the kind of guy who will insult the Maui Invitational (“The Maui Invitational has fallen off in recent years,” reads his report on the Maui Invitational moving to Honolulu for a year because of the deadly fires) and then issue his standard tweet the next morning asking The Internet™ not to bully him. He doesn’t treat the sport with respect, he doesn’t treat others with respect, he demands respect from everyone, holding onto a cushy role in the college basketball media apparatus because he’s become something of an institution for others who, like him, don’t watch the sport until February. Shockingly, the Duke-educated son of Bill Clinton’s special counsel behaves like an entitled brat.
Shit.
I didn’t mean to say all that.
What I came here to say is that I’m very curious how and if FOX chose Davis as its mouthpiece when it floated that idea on Monday for a tournament which would serve as a competitor to the NIT. In the worst case, the same line of thinking which led FOX to believe anyone wants such a tournament also led them to believe people like Davis, and that he would thusly be the perfect initial spokesman for the idea. In the best case, Davis heard about it and felt like it needed to be reported on because it’s newsworthy (he seemingly did a good job getting multiple sources, something we’re high on right now). In the other best case, Davis heard about it, had a Come to The NIT moment, and realized the people needed to know so that we could prepare our defenses for the upcoming assault FOX executive Jordan Bazant is planning on our beloved NIT. Basically, I’m willing to forgive Seth Davis for decades of bullshit if he is on my side when it comes to defending the NIT. I think this is honorable of me.
Aaron Rodgers Got Hurt
You guys hear this one?
This is, primarily, really sad. It is funny that it is happening to the Jets, there is some humor in the broader situational context, most of that latter humor has been robbed by people beating any good jokes in the ground in their effort to win some weird imaginary fight they’re having with a quarterback. Overall, though? Sad. We love to laugh about Aaron Rodgers. But we do want good things for the man. He has given us some great moments. We do not want bad things for the man. We do not like this bad thing which has happened to the man.
On a parallel topic: The Bears still exist, and their fans are already turning on them after spending the whole offseason saying that the team with the worst record in the league last year was on its way to a Super Bowl. I was told Justin Fields was about to be messianic. I guess this was true, but only in the sense where his people were going to abandon him right as he encountered a severe amount of physical and psychological pain.
What’s Up With Kai Jones?
Kai Jones rocked during Shaka Smart’s last season at Texas (pour one out), and he is having a weird September. He went on Instagram Live late last week to say the Hornets wouldn’t trade him, was described by some as “incoherent,” and then went on Twitter to clear up that he wasn’t drunk or high, which made people even more concerned about the incoherence. Now, he’s evidently criticizing teammates in response to Instagram commenters, saying that Mark Williams can’t go left and that he, Jones, is more assertive with the ball than Nick Richards.
Is Jones wrong? I have no idea. I’m not sure I’ve ever watched the Hornets. In my entire life. But I don’t think that’s the concern here. The concern here is Jones, who as far as I know is still Shaka Smart’s guy and therefore our guy. Hopefully he’s all good.
Pointless Is a Mean Word
No Burnley news (actually, there’s probably a lot of Burnley news, but nothing has penetrated my wanker brain), but in a little “Hey the Premier League is about to start happening again” post today on ESPN, with the international break ending, Ian Darke (great name for a nemesis) called Burnley “pointless.” Evidently he was referring to the standings, where Burnley has no points.
Technically true, Ian, technically true. But we’re watching you. If this was a veiled insult, we will be quick to explain to you the broader purpose of Burnley (trolling Big Six teams not from Manchester).
Anyway, yes, Burnley’s in trouble, to the point where we need to cheer against Luton this weekend. We never want to have to cheer against Luton. They’re the Hatters! Hats! You can’t cheer against hats.
My Kid Better Win the US Open
Late on this (late on a lot of things these days—apologies, we’re getting our football season feet under us), but Coco Gauff winning the US Open was beautiful and emotional and it looked like so much fun for her parents that if my child doesn’t do that by the time they turn twenty, I’m going to be a little disappointed. Joe-Shaka or Kelly-Fargo, if you are reading this years from now, please go work harder at your game. Preferably tennis. Golf’s a little douchey.
