It’s been a while since we did an MLB Vibe Check, so let’s check our vibes.
Atlanta: Great
Atlanta has the best vibes in baseball. The defending champs keep winning, they’re making the Mets miserable, they have ice cream in the clubhouse again (or will soon), they’re eventually going to get Ozzie Albies back, this team is the happiest team in baseball. Great vibes.
New York (NL): Mortified
The Mets are, on paper, arguably the best team in baseball, especially in a playoff setting where more weight is assigned to a team’s best pitchers (most Mets pitchers are better than their peers, but the Mets’ best pitchers are even better than their peers than the unit is as a whole). Still, a foreboding air hangs above Queens. This team should, by every reasonable expectation, win the East and then comfortably win the Division Series. Everyone is instead prepared for them to lose the division and get swept in two games in the Wild Card set, probably by the Marlins somehow.
Philadelphia: Curious
The Phillies have some reasons for optimism, and this is making Phillies fans suspicious. Given how bad the vibes are around them in the Wild Card chase, though, it would stand to reason that the Phils are allowing themselves some hope. A dangerous thing to make a habit of.
Miami: Wilderness; Washington: There Will Be a Next Time
It’s a good thing that the Marlins snuck in those two titles when they first came in as an expansion franchise, because there is no hope for these guys. As for the Nats, well, it’s going to be a while. But it does feel like they’ll be back.
St. Louis: Great
Ok maybe the Cardinals actually have the best vibes in baseball. They are rocking right now. Pulverizing foes. Unleashing a resurrected Albert Pujols imitation on foes. Reminding everyone that it’s not a bad idea to sign the two best players in the National League on foes.
Milwaukee: Horrible
No one, not even the Mets, is having less fun than the Brewers right now. Even splitting games with the Dodgers feels like losses. The Brewers are like Job, from The Bible, when he’s waiting to die. On the bright side, the 2023 schedule’s out and these guys get a home game against the Cubs on July 4th again as part of Major League Baseball’s ongoing experiment to see if Milwaukee tickets can ever hit $6.00 on resale markets. Inflation is helping, but thus far has been unsuccessful.
Chicago (NL): Good?
Say what you will about being seventeen games under .500, but the Cubs have pulled ahead of the Reds and Pirates for third in the division, and Franmil Reyes has brought this energy to the dugout:
Cincinnati: Joey Votto’s Out for the Year
Once Joey Votto’s out for the season, the Reds are done, and anyone you see playing baseball under the Reds’ brand should be reported for trademark infringement.
Pittsburgh: How Will They Screw Up Oneil Cruz?
The Pirates have an absolute specimen at shortstop, and they will ruin him. Poor man.
Los Angeles: Waiting for the Playoffs
After that weird bout last year with the ailment most call San Franciscan Feist, the Dodgers are back to their annual habit of passing time until they get to play meaningful baseball again.
San Diego: Self-Loathing
You ever have a string of bad things happen in your life, and some are your fault and some aren’t but when you look in the mirror it all blends together and you don’t know if you’ll ever know more than fleeting, tainted, momentary happiness again through all of your days?
San Francisco: Get This Over With
The Giants would like to do the offseason now, please.
Arizona: Silence; Colorado: Wandering in a Forest
The Diamondbacks have a lot of good young talent, something they will use to try to win 82 games once in the next six years and not sniff the playoffs after going 0-78 over that stretch against the Dodgers. The Rockies are not technically losing, because what they are doing does not constitute Major League Baseball.
New York (AL): Satanic Worship
If Yankees fans could get the devil to rain fire on the earth right now, they’d take that deal, right? They’re at the stage where the anger can’t be soothed. It can merely be met with its cosmic, physical manifestation.
Tampa Bay: Trying to Suppress a Smile
I’ve never watched someone count cards, but I’d imagine there’s a point at which they know the deck and they know good cards are coming and they have to try really hard to not break face. The Rays have everyone cornered, I think. I think the Rays are about to make utter fools out of the rest of this league.
Toronto: Who Knows
If there’s one thing these recent Blue Jays teams have taught us, it’s that they cannot be trusted to be good and they cannot be trusted to be bad. Assume they make the playoffs? They’ll miss ‘em. Assume they’ll flop in a big series? They’ll score 45 runs in three nights and carry away your golden calves.
Baltimore: Unabashed Joy
It’s all icing.
Boston: Watching the Yankees
It’s a strange time when Red Sox’ fans greatest pleasure comes from watching a Yankees team close to the best record in the AL, but such is the intensity of the current Bronx mellow.
Cleveland: Just Found Cash on the Street
A lot of cash.
Minnesota: Just Lost Cash on the Street
A lot of cash.
Chicago (AL): Do they know?
Do you think Tony La Russa and Jerry Reinsdorf are aware of…well, all of this? What’s happening in the world? What’s happening on the field? Are the White Sox and the Rockies engaged in a game they aren’t telling us about that borders on performance art?
Kansas City: Pulseless; Detroit: Rage
The Royals are that smiling kid in exactly one of your high school classes who does not seem to have any interests and is therefore incapable of being hurt. The kind who only hangs out with kids from his church. Which might be a cult? The Tigers are whatever happens after supernova.
Houston: Itchin’
The Astros haven’t done anything disgusting in a while. Even the revelation that Jeff Luhnow deleted texts was met with an explanation that he was deleting pictures of his wife giving birth, which is probably not true but also wasn’t as juicy as the headline (‘Jeff Luhnow deleted pictures of his wife’) led us to believe.
Seattle: Riding the Seas
Mariners is a fitting nickname for a team that is, at the moment, on a voyage of their choosing which features both intolerable danger and the prospect of historic glory. Bon voyage, you beautiful baseballers.
Texas: ???
The Rangers have some stars, have scored more runs than they’ve allowed, and are losing in gut-slashing fashion every time I look up. They’re also still playing in that Lowe’s?
Anaheim: Relief
Sometimes, surrender is liberating.
Oakland: ‘Major League’ But If the Team Hadn’t Won
Congrats, Mrs. Phelps.
The Sens: Now in Texas
Unbelievable.
The Ottawa Senators have announced a new ECHL affiliation (this is the level below the AHL, and nobody knows what “EC” stands for), and it’s the Allen Americans. Allen, for those unfamiliar with the Dallas-Ft. Worth suburbs, is between Frisco and McKinney on the road from here in Austin to this blogger’s hometown of Crystal Lake, Illinois. With Frisco hosting the FCS National Championship (and once the NIT) and McKinney having a dope website for the Division-II National Championship, it was only fitting that readers of this blog would develop an affiliation with Allen. That affiliation, unexpectedly, comes through the Sens. Specifically, through guys they’ve drafted, all of whom appear to be specifically drafted to kick ass. The Sens make their Dallas trip in December this year, so we may have to journey up there and catch the Americans in the same trip. More to come (if I remember).
Burnley: Victorious
Burnley is officially one of the 32 best teams in England, which is a baseline expectation but isn’t something Watford can say! (by this arbitrary measure we’re using, which is the League Cup)
1-0 victory for the lads yesterday down at Shrewsbury. Didn’t generate a ton of chances but took care of business, apparently dominated possession, demonstrated that the backups might be just about as good as the starters, which is both good (depth) and bad (low ceiling). The third-round draw’s today but the matches won’t be played until November. And again, this doesn’t really matter, except to demonstrate that Burnley’s one of the best 32 teams in England and if they win again one of the best sixteen (but if they don’t, it really doesn’t matter).
Daniel Ricciardo: Out at McLaren
They made it official. Daniel Ricciardo will not be returning to McLaren next year. He’s saying he’ll stick around in F1, though, so no NASCAR yet. That’ll come. Ideally, he goes and surprisingly dominates in F1 then comes over here and is mediocre in NASCAR, demonstrating how much better NASCAR drivers are at driving than their peers. Since F1 has no competition, though, that isn’t going to happen.
Related: Can we all agree that McLaren CEO Zak Brown is the same guy as the front man in the Zac Brown Band? Just make that canon? Would make F1 a lot more fun, especially since Zak-with-a-k appears to always be scheming.
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Viewing schedule:
8:05 PM EDT: Cardinals @ Cubs, MLB TV
What will Franmil Reyes do next?
7:05 PM EDT: White Sox @ Orioles, MLB TV (FS1)
What will Tony La Russa do next? Hopefully not kill Joe Kelly!
