The Brewers are in the midst of a little collapse, and I have a theory, and this theory does not have to do with Craig Counsell being a weasel dressed in a man suit or the Brewers’ PEDro Severino cycles all wearing off at the same time or even Christian Yelich faking injuries to cover up the fact he can’t hit without a guy in the outfield stands flashing him the signs (though if anyone else saw him “running” to catch that fly ball on Saturday…that was unnatural). This is a David Stearns theory.
There’s evidently a weird provision in David Stearns’s contract where he can opt out after this season BUT ONLY if the Brewers achieve some unknown level of success, speculated and/or reported to be reaching the NLCS or the World Series. Jon Heyman’s the whisperer on this, so who knows what’s going on, but from the sounds of it, the Brewers being bad makes David Stearns stay, and the Brewers being a little bit too good makes David Stearns go work for the Mets.
Stearns, for those who haven’t obtained a copy of the Brewers’ organizational chart, blown it up, and placed it on their walls with strings connecting various figures back to prominent Astros cheaters, is the Brewers’ president of baseball operations, the same role Theo Epstein held with the Cubs. He’s been the architect behind Milwaukee’s success these last five years, a stretch which has seen them win a full 44% of their all-time division titles (counting the 1981 split-season one as half) and 33% of their all-time postseason series. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say the Brewers need Stearns. The Brewers want Stearns to stay. And with the Mets thing: The longer Stearns stays, the greater the probability a Reddit horde of meme-stockers figures out a way to take down Steve Cohen’s franchise. Every little bit helps.
The red herring here is the Josh Hader trade. Why, the haters ask, would Stearns himself be complicit in this collapse? But this isn’t about the Josh Hader trade. Judging by how Hader’s pitched in San Diego, the Hader trade helped the Brewers. This collapse is happening outside of Stearns. The Brewers are just playing bad baseball. And—Brian Windhorst voice—why would they do that? To keep Stearns! One year of sacrificing a team that was probably going to get shitpumped by Los Angeles or New York or Atlanta in exchange for another shot next year, and perhaps more down the line should the meme-stockers win? That’s worth it for the Crew.
Elliott v. Larson
Kyle Larson won his second race of the year yesterday, and to do so, Kyle Larson bumped Chase Elliott out of the way for the second time this year. It’s a great rivalry: Two teammates, two great drivers, one the sport’s Georgia golden child and one the brilliant California fuckup who’s honest to a fault (“I don’t know. I think and I hope that it’ll be fine, but we’ll see. I didn’t end his day today, but I did probably take a win from him.” – Larson). The latter not having things come as easy the season after his championship, seeing opportunities twice but seeing them against the former; the latter taking the opportunities both times, rolling the dice on the future. It’s fun, it’s compelling, it could be a really good NASCAR rivalry, and it’s too bad Rick Hendrick has such an incentive to quash it. Though honestly, maybe that makes it better. Here’s hoping it blows up in the playoffs. (It’s admittedly a little sad to always be hoping on rivalries and other storylines instead of celebrating them.)
Elsewhere in the race, retired F1 driver Kimi Räikkönen seemed to have a good time, and he drove well until getting wrecked off the course, as is part of the risk in NASCAR. He was driving through a Trackhouse initiative where they get global drivers to try a NASCAR race. Trackhouse is probably a year and a half away from getting a Moneyball-style, changing-the-game treatment somewhere prominent or imploding. (Again, hoping on things, not celebrating them.)
On the IndyCar side, not a lot to report although having initially been skeptical of Gateway when I learned about the Frankenstein track, it’s a cool scene to see the Arch from there, and motorsports leaning hard into the St. Louis market seems like a good call.
So Are the Sens Gonna Trade for This Chychrun Guy?
Ever since things stopped happening in the NHL offseason, the question with the Senators’ next front office decision has revolved around whether or when the Sens will trade for Jakob Chychrun, a Coyotes defenseman who seems to be the most logical replacement for the disastrous Nikita Zaitsev. Is it going to happen? It depends who you ask. Answers range from “maybe” to “yes” to “well, Ridly Greig just got hurt and he could’ve been part of a deal and there’s the Alex Formenton uncertainty but obviously there are higher priorities there than trade talk and…”
So, unclear. Which explains why I had to ask.
Elsewhere in Sens news, the NHL over/unders for the season are coming out, and the last one I saw—from Circa Sports—had Ottawa eleventh in the Eastern Conference. That’s within striking distance. Look out, NHL.
Dammit, Burnley
Burnley played Blackpool on Saturday (historic local rival who crashed hard over the last decade but is recovering, plays in a town of 150,000 an hour west of Burnley so kind of the Grand Rapids to Burnley’s Green Bay, nickname is either the Seasiders or the Tangerines, both of which are lit), and the lads looked great. Took an early 2-0 lead, we were vibing, Burnley was on its way back up the table. Then, Aro Muric made a risky pass—which is the idea, I’m told, I guess this thing from him is Vincent Kompany-endorsed and helps set off breaks by luring the opponent in—that went awry, and it was 2-1. But, hey, twelve minutes later Nathan Tella got his second goal of the match, and the good vibes were back. All was fine.
Until it wasn’t.
With twenty minutes to play, Blackpool scored twice in a row to tie the game. Then, Ian Maatsen reacted to getting attacked and got himself a matching red card, so Burnley didn’t go up one man, and it was another draw. Five games, three at home, only six points. 16th in the 24-team table, and while only two points out of play-off position, at least four points shy of where the team should be.
So, yeah, the vibes are kind of bad. Part of this is acclimating to being a team that both scores and allows goals after often doing none of either under Sean Dyche, part of it is probably getting used to the Championship affording so many winnable games and it being hard to win professional sporting events, part of it is likely the Premier League still conspiring against Burnley (conceivably with help from the NCAA and/or Fetch), but the causes don’t matter. The solutions are what matter. And the solutions are each of us turning our best vibes to the lads tomorrow, during the Cup match, and this weekend, when they play whoever they play this weekend. Vibes are something we can influence. Let’s influence.
Wherefore Art Thou License Plate Bracket?
Sorry, guys. License Plate Bracket III is still in the pipeline, but the pipeline’s rather full so we’re holding the bracket back in an attempt to not completely fumble the start of college football season. That attempt isn’t going great at the moment, so we may be headed for two losses instead of one, but that’s what’s happening.
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Viewing schedule:
2:10 PM EDT: White Sox @ Royals (MLB TV)
Joe Kelly and the boys take a one-day trip to Missouri.
(That sounds like the promo description for a reality show.)
((They should do a reality show about Joe Kelly and the White Sox.))
8:05 PM EDT: Cardinals @ Cubs (MLB TV)
Heat meets hot.
(That could be the name of the reality show, referencing how Joe Kelly throws heat and is also found by many to be a physically attractive person).
