Every state has a flag. Well, except Mississippi at the moment, but we’ll get to them (update, 5/25/21: they got a new one and we got to them). You know this if you were here this summer, for our State Flags That Don’t Glorify Slavery Bracket™. You may have even participated in that bracket, in which case you know these flags well.
Well, these aren’t The People’s Rankings. These are mine. They’re all mine. I ranked these flags. And you can’t take these rankings away from me. These are the state flags, ranked. These are the state flag rankings. These are state flags and they’re rankings and whoa would you look at all those ranked state flags right there.
50. Georgia
This flag’s racist history and Confederate imagery are the most blatant of all the Confederacy-honoring flags. Last place. First place if the goal was to be the most offensive. Which wasn’t the goal. And if it was you should have done it in a good offensive way, like with a poop joke. This was just racist.
49. Alabama
The Confederate flag, re-colored, with stars removed.
48. Florida
The Confederate flag, re-colored, with stars removed and a seal added.
47. Tennessee
The Confederate flag, deconstructed.
46. Arkansas
One of these stars symbolizes France. One symbolizes the Confederacy. Which one got better placement?
45. North Dakota
Look. I love North Dakota way more than the next guy. But you guys have too much going for you to just be the video-game-without-licensing-rights stand-in for an American flag with a wee bit of North Dakota-specific imagery.
44. Connecticut
Are those vines? Did a four-year-old draw them? If they did, awesome, but I know they didn’t. You didn’t crowdsource this to a four-year-old, Connecticut. If you had, it would be way cooler.
43. Maine
Yes, you got a moose on this, but how much credit do you deserve for that, Maine? Who among us would not have put a moose on your flag? And what’s this dirigo business? “I lead?” What are you leading, Maine? Sunrise times? Ranked-choice voting? I love both of those but come on. Just make it a moose head. Could be artistic. Could be Bullwinkle. You’ll rise either way.
42. New Hampshire
Not well done, not done well. Come on. You remember when we talked about offensive, and we brought up crap? This is crap. And not in a funny way.
41. Minnesota
Are…are they gonna fight?
I’m sorry. I should’ve ranked this closer to last.
40. Idaho
Put a potato on your flag. You made your license plate a potato plate. People loved that. Make the potato flag, Idaho. Play the hits.
39. Kentucky
This is a flag.
38. Massachusetts
Ok Massachusetts what’s the deal with the arm and the sword.
37. Virginia
Multiple voters this summer DM’d us on Instagram to say they’d liked Virginia’s flag back in middle school because there’s a boob on it. So there’s that.
36. West Virginia
Write it in English. This isn’t hating on Latin. It just sounds way cooler in English. Which is often not the case.
35. New Jersey
This flag just gets weirder and weirder the longer you look at it. Did the mob make this?
34. South Dakota
South Dakota has cool things besides Mount Rushmore. Cooler things, in fact. But South Dakota won’t tell you that.
33. Nebraska
Make the train more prominent.
32. Vermont
Make the deer more startled.
31. Pennsylvania
I’ll admit, the horses have grown on me.
30. Kansas
I love the steamboats. I love the covered wagons. I love the dude out there gettin’ some work done. But if you were going to do a Native American homage, you could’ve done it in a way that was cool and didn’t look like you think they aren’t people. Come on, guys. You were doing so well.
29. Utah
I love how Utah juxtaposes the all-caps “INDUSTRY” with a beehive. I mean, yes, I know bees work hard. But it comes across much more like “INDU-ooh, honey!”
28. Washington
Power move, guys. Power. Move.
27. Delaware
This flag looks like the guy on the left is saying to the guy on the right, “Who? You?” and the guy on the right is saying to the guy on the left, “Who? You?” and the cow did it the whole time. Love that cow.
26. Wisconsin
I assume, because of this flag, that Wisconsin became a state in 1848. But man, would be pretty funny if this was some other date, like when a specific kind of cheese innovation was innovated.
25. New York
EXCELSIOR!!!!! Also, that sun is smiling. That is a smiling sun.
24. Michigan
And that is Bigfoot.
23. Indiana
I will admit, Indiana doesn’t really do it for me. Well, the state does. The state really does it for me. But the flag doesn’t. The people love it, though, and I respect the people. You’ll never catch me disrespecting the people. Keep doing you, Hoosiers.
22. Missouri
What’s the deal with Missouri and bears? They’ve got ‘em on the license plate, too. Though they’re sneakier on the license plate. And they don’t look like they’re just loungin’ at the bar like these two handsome fellas.
21. Montana
Montana is cool enough that they could just put “MONTANA” on a flag and folks would say, “You know? That’s a pretty good flag.” And that’s about what happened here.
20. Illinois
Not a bad effort from the homeland.
19. Iowa
Iowa’s flag is Illinois’s but it’s ready to kick some ass.
18. Nevada
The only state flag to feature the name of an album by The Killers.
17. Mississippi
Mississippi has a new flag. Their old flag was the most blatantly confederate-honoring of all of them. They got rid of it. The new one is good. It is possible, and desirable, to abandon your confederate-honoring state flag. Other states should do it.
16. North Carolina
I wrote about North Carolina’s flag in that post linked above, in the Georgia blurb. Some say it’s a Confederate homage. I don’t personally see it that way, but I understand the view. Personally, it looks clean, old-timey, and very North Carolina, which is important.
15. Rhode Island
Anchors are cool.
14. Ohio
On the one hand, it’s a very recognizable flag, unique in its shape, with an O to remind you this is the O state (not Oregon—that’s the OR state). On the other, it just kind of looks like someone tried to turn bunting into a flag. Bunting’s cool. But let’s not overhype this.
13. Maryland
On the one hand, this might be the most recognizable flag out there. On the other, it’s kind of ugly.
12. Colorado
Colorado’s flag gets a lot of love, and deservedly so. It’s a solid flag to rally around, and people who like Colorado love Colorado, so the flag gets a lot of use. But ubiquity does not perfectly correlate with quality.
11. Wyoming
It’s always good to err on the side of ranking the bison too close to first.
10. Hawaii
Now hey there, I’m no American Revolution hater. Get me the heck away from that Union Jack. But something about this compels me. Maybe it’s how busy yet neat it is.
9. Oklahoma
Now this is how you pay homage to your state’s Native American culture. Take note, Kansas.
8. Louisiana
WHY IS THE PELICAN BLEEDING, LOUISIANA? IS SHE GOING TO BE OKAY??
7. Texas
Stately. Iconic. Independent.
6. California
Cool. Laid-back. Got a bear.
5. New Mexico
You will never catch me trashing the Zia sun.
4. Oregon
Yes, this flag has a front and a back. Yes, the back is just a beaver on a log or something. Yes, that beaver is gold. Sorry, guys. Had to do it.
3. South Carolina
Emblematic of all you want out of South Carolina. Or at least the coastal parts. So the parts South Carolina wants of South Carolina.
2. Alaska
Yes, Alaska gets to claim the sky. This is how it works when you’re the biggest.
1. Arizona
And finally, this beauty. Is it a rising sun? Is it a setting sun? Is it the perfect flag for any flag-based occasion? Yes. To all of them.
The Alabama flag is number 49?! Are you crazy? It may be a recoloured copy of the Confederate flag, but it’s STILL one of the best flags in the union if you compare it with the disgusting flags you’ve kept it with!
ok, but there are Manny things wrong, you decide to diss multiple flags, for used to being a confederate flag, deconstructed, YET YOU PLACED NORTH CAROLINA A FLAG THAT IS ENTIRELY BASED ON ITS CONFEDERATE FLAG AT 16TH, just why…? Also, why did you place Indiana’s flag under Montana and Illinois flags? The two are just “seal on blanket” flags, compared to a relatively cool Torch Flag.
Cheese gets it. Indiana’s flag is dope. #torch
Illinois ranked that high? NIT Stu, are you from Illinois or something? What a joke. That thing belongs in the mid-30s at best. Here’s how Chicago Magazine describes the Illinois Flag: “a white flag with an insignia that looks like an eagle vomiting two strips of bacon, holding Captain America’s shield in his talons…”
Solid rankings. My only quibble is that I think Arizona has a real problem with the way the orange and red come together. The low contrast between these, particularly right above the blue field, make the star much less distinct than it should be. The design is great, the color choice falls short. Thus, it should not be #1. Probably top five, but not number one.
Thanks! That’s fair. We do vote on these every summer, if you’re interested. The third edition of that voting bracket will go down sometime in the next few months.
Arizona is NOT orange. It is copper. Arizona produces more copper than any other state.
Kansas: says “ad astra” but I call bullshit. Nobody from a Kansas has ever been to space. Also, I’m assuming the water with River boat is the Mississippi River, which would mean that the mountains in the background are Missouri. Most of the land in Kansas’s flag is Missouri. This is a shit flag.
Louisiana: pelicans are known for feeding their young with their own flesh in dire times. I’d like to know when Louisiana has ever done this.
Michigan: motto says “If you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you.” Though I have never personally been in a place where I was like, “you know what I could use right now? A peninsula. But not like, just any peninsula—a pleasant one,” I’ve got mad respect for the foresight here.
Virginia: you don’t think that one is racist?
Vermont: “Freedom, Vermont, and Unity” #branding
Minnesota: there are a lot of dates on this flag and none of them are my birthday.