Something we really enjoy around here is ACC Basketball on The CW. We enjoy watching it, true, but we really enjoy the idea of it. ACC Basketball on The CW. It has a certain ring.
But while the ACC is college basketball’s greatest conference, the ACC is not its best. That label would currently go to the SEC, which leads in both on-court product and on-sideline entertainment. Have you seen this league? It’s got Bruce Pearl! And an alleged stalker!
So, let’s talk SEC. SEC Basketball, that is. SEC Basketball on ESPN.
These rankings are not exactly power rankings. They certainly aren’t rankings of how much I like each team. I don’t know what we’re ranking. Vibes, I think? That’s what I usually rank. They should give me an AP vote. I have principles and standards. You can disagree with the merits of those principles and standards, but you can’t deny that they exist.
1. Kentucky
Last Tuesday: Lost at Georgia
Last Saturday: Won at Mississippi State
This Tuesday: Texas A&M (H) – ESPN2
This Saturday: Alabama (H) – ESPN
The Cats are 2–1 in SEC play, and with an impressive nonconference performance, their NIT chances lie in shreds. Tuesday’s loss is acceptable—away game; opponent just made the Final Four—and then on Saturday, Mark Pope reminded us how fun Mark Pope is. Not only did he come back to the court after the victory to celebrate with fans who’d made the trip, but he tracked down the fan in a wheelchair who couldn’t get to court level. What a guy.
2. Alabama
Last Wednesday: Won at South Carolina
Last Saturday: Won at Texas A&M*
This Tuesday: Mississippi (H) – ESPNU
This Saturday: Kentucky (A) – ESPN
We’ve got a #1 vs. #2 showdown this weekend, and hey, here’s a question: Did the SEC give Mark Pope a lot of early tips because he has the cheerful exuberance of a morning person? Because that guy definitely has the cheerful exuberance of a morning person.
Also, Alabama’s playing well. Beat Texas A&M in College Station but I’ve added an asterisk because A&M didn’t have Wade Taylor and I’m in the business of having Buzz Williams’s sweaty back.
3. Texas A&M
Last Wednesday: Won at Oklahoma
Last Saturday: Lost vs. Alabama*
This Tuesday: Kentucky (A) – ESPN2
This Saturday: LSU (H) – SEC Network
Damn, tough week ahead for Kentucky. Guess that’s why they call it SEC Basketball on ESPN, though.
A question I didn’t know the answer to was “How long has Wade Taylor been out?” Another question I didn’t know the answer to was “Why?” Two games. Knee tightness. He’s out tonight, too. This one won’t have an asterisk, I don’t think. Two games is asterisk territory. Three games is a new norm. This rule is completely arbitrary and mostly the result of me becoming a bigger and bigger Mark Pope fan the longer I write this blog post. He’s like my friend’s dad, but if my friend’s dad was taller and smilier and Mormon and a former national champion. Also, if my friend’s dad wasn’t bald but still looked like he was bald. Why does Mark Pope remind me of my friend’s dad?
4. Mississippi State
Last Tuesday: Won at Vanderbilt
Last Saturday: Lost vs. Kentucky
This Tuesday: Auburn (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Mississippi (H) – ESPN2
Why did nobody tell me Chris Jans was the Bowling Green Butt-Slapper? How did this escape my notice for the last nine years?? Call me naïve, but I didn’t realize you could transition from coaching in the MAC to coaching in the WAC. I thought those leagues existed in different universes. I thought the Bowling Green Butt-Slapper was running camps somewhere. Butt-slapping camps.
We do not endorse nonconsensual slaps of butts. We do, however, endorse Cameron Matthews. That guy is a grown man.
5. Georgia
Last Tuesday: Won vs. Kentucky
Last Saturday: Won vs. Oklahoma
This Wednesday: Tennessee (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Auburn (H) – SEC Network
Whoa. Tough week for the Dawgs. I’m hiding them here because I want to slow-play them, but they’re cool. Very fun team, these Dawgs. We know them well and we love them, but we aren’t going to tell you why. We’ll just keep winking and nodding and letting you learn for yourself.
(Side note: Such bullshit that the NFL didn’t figure out how to make its records still 16 games large even after switching to a 17-game season. I don’t mind them adding a game, but I wish they’d start everyone with negative one win. I just saw Georgia’s overall record, 14–2, and I immediately thought of the 2006 San Diego Chargers. You don’t get that shit with 14–3.)
6. Auburn
Last Tuesday: Won at Texas
Last Saturday: Won at South Carolina
This Tuesday: Mississippi State (H) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Georgia (A) – SEC Network
First of all, I saw these guys in person last Tuesday in Austin and I can confirm: Johni Broome is in the NBA. Second of all, I saw these guys in person last Tuesday in Austin and they don’t pass the eye test, especially if Broome is hurt. You don’t need to be scared of Auburn. They might win some exhibition tournament, but anyone in the SEC can upset them. Really wish I wrote this before South Carolina almost beat them.
7. Missouri
Last Tuesday: Won vs. LSU
Last Saturday: Won vs. Vanderbilt
This Tuesday: Florida (A) – ESPNU
This Saturday: Arkansas (H) – SEC Network
I was looking for head coaching candidates for some job last week (probably Texas’s, but it might have been Indiana’s) and I came across an article from right after Chris Beard allegedly choked his fiancée and his lawyer told Texas they were overreacting so Texas fired him (ok yeah it was Texas). That article mentioned Dennis Gates?? 2023 was nuts.
Mizzou’s off to a 2–1 SEC start, and…I don’t know, maybe quit? Maybe don’t play anymore games? You have a winning record in the 2025 SEC. Why push your luck?
8. Florida
Last Tuesday: Won by 30 vs. Tennessee
Last Saturday: Won at Arkansas
This Tuesday: Missouri (H) – ESPNU
This Saturday: Texas (H) – ESPN2
Florida’s about to be off to a 4–1 start in conference, and all anyone can ask is: Is Todd Golden a pervert or not? Because two months ago, there was a big news story about how Todd Golden’s a pervert, but then I went on paternity leave and I came back and nobody will tell me if Todd Golden’s a pervert? Somebody, please. Give me answers. Don’t make me dress myself up real nice and follow him on Instagram to see what happens. I’ll do it if I have to.
9. Mississippi
Last Wednesday: Won at Arkansas
Last Saturday: Won vs. LSU
This Tuesday: Alabama (A) – ESPNU
This Saturday: Mississippi State (A) ESPN2
It’s still so fucked up that Chris Beard landed both Sean Pedulla and Dre Davis after disrespecting the NIT. Makes me really believe those rumors that he actually respects the NIT and just thought he could get a new job if he didn’t distract himself by coaching one more basketball games. Those rumors that he thinks Mississippi is beneath him and he can’t wait to get to a school where he actually thinks he can win a basketball game. Those rumors that he feels personal spite towards every Mississippi fan, that he thinks the school is soft and the women all peaked at 19 and the men wouldn’t feel so rich if they lived within eight hours of an airport. Those are the rumors I’m talking about. Me? I think Mississippi’s great. Oxford’s the third-best town in the SEC. But Chris Beard? Well, you’ve all heard the rumors.
10. Tennessee
Last Tuesday: Lost by 30 at Florida
Last Saturday: Won at Texas
This Wednesday: Georgia (H) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Vanderbilt (A) – SEC Network
Thirty points. Thirty big ones. And it’s way worse than that. It was 73–43. 100–70 is one thing. 73–43 is something very different.
Anyway, I laughed even harder on Saturday at the announcers making a big deal of Tennessee’s number one ranking (four days after Tennessee scored 43 points and lost by 30) than I did when someone later asked Rick Barnes if Tre Johnson’s as good as Kevin Durant was. Was Tino Martinez as good as Babe Ruth?
11. Vanderbilt
Last Tuesday: Lost vs. Mississippi State
Last Saturday: Lost at Missouri
This Wednesday: South Carolina (H) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Tennessee (H) – SEC Network
Seems like things are going ok for Mark Byington in Nashville? I would be more effusive, but the last time I said good things about a recent JMU coach he went on College Gameday and started moaning every time he said his own name.
12. South Carolina
Last Wednesday: Lost vs. Alabama
Last Saturday: Lost vs. Auburn
This Wednesday: Vanderbilt (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Oklahoma (A) – ESPNU
The difference between South Carolina and every other winless SEC team is that with South Carolina, this was expected. These guys lost to Mike Woodson. Do you know how hard it is to lose to Mike Woodson? Sometimes only Kenny Payne can pull that off. (Speaking of Kenny Payne…well, no. No spoilers.)
13. Oklahoma
Last Wednesday: Lost vs. Texas A&M
Last Saturday: Lost at Georgia
This Wednesday: Texas (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: South Carolina (H) – ESPNU
I fuckin’ love when a team goes undefeated in nonconference then starts losing all over the place. Keeps the people on their toes! Didn’t these guys do this with Trae Young too?
If you’re an Oklahoma fan, it should get worse. But it hasn’t gotten worse yet.
14. Texas
Last Tuesday: Lost vs. Auburn
Last Saturday: Lost vs. Tennessee
This Wednesday: Oklahoma (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Florida (A) – ESPN2
Someone very wise wrote last week that it looks like Rodney Terry is taking people who know how to play basketball and unteaching them how to play basketball. Also, Chendall Weaver’s hurt and Texas accidentally built a miniature NBA arena when it tried to make a cool college gym. The Moody Center is great, but that place is built for the Spurs’ two to four visits a year. Not the Longhorns.
15. LSU
Last Tuesday: Lost at Missouri
Last Saturday: Lost at Mississippi
This Tuesday: Arkansas (H) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Texas A&M (A) – SEC Network
I get a kick out of Matt McMahon. You could introduce me to Matt McMahon, let me spend a whole weekend with him, then ask me to pick him out of a police lineup and I would not be able to tell you the color of his skin. You could say, “Come on, Stu, his last name is McMahon. Clearly that’s Scots-Irish!” And I would say, “Is he the Polynesian guy?”
God help us if Matt McMahon ever commits a crime in my presence.
16. Arkansas
Last Wednesday: Lost vs. Mississippi
Last Saturday: Lost vs. Florida
This Tuesday: LSU (A) – SEC Network
This Saturday: Missouri (A) – SEC Network
Is it just me, or are people not talking about John Calipari’s back-to-back home losses to open SEC play? Is that just me? Am I behind on my podcasts? Because John Calipari just lost back-to-back home games to open SEC play. At Arkansas! Where they sometimes shoot fireworks out of the backboard while play’s still going on! I know it’s an accident when they do that, but that doesn’t make it not scary! Imagine being a visiting player in that environment. That’s like putting Eric Berry next to a horse!
(Kenny Payne is an assistant at Arkansas. Just a piece of trivia that feels relevant. Given the losing and all.)
