We got the following question from a reader this week:
I just realized that I have to attend a wedding during rounds 4-7 of the 2020 NFL Draft. How does this compare to having to miss other notable (but not publicly lauded) sporting events such as the first round of the NIT, bowl games featuring MAC teams, the Governor’s Cup, or the Stanley Cup Finals?
It’s a good question. Weddings are tough, because no one likes giving up Saturdays. Having the last two weekends in March free from meaningful sports (aside from opening weekend in the MLB) helps, but those are just two weekends. I’ve never been one to love the NFL Draft. I’m not a conscientious objector or anything, but I often spend the latter part of April hibernating and hoping Joe Kelly drills someone with a fastball in a non-fatal-but-quite-enraging location, rather than, you know, watching the draft. Still, I know some do care, and I respect most people’s beliefs. So, as objectively as I can manage, here are those instances ranked by how unpleasant it would be to miss them for a wedding:
5. The Governor’s Cup
I don’t know what this is, and I’ve done a very good job of not looking things up lately.
4. Rounds 4-7 of the 2020 NFL Draft
Honestly, the draft strikes me as something slow enough that you can keep up with it under the table if the wedding’s going poorly (i.e., the DJ left the entire The Killers’ discography on his other laptop, which seems to happen at so many weddings these days, and maybe that’s why divorce rates are up).
3. MAC Bowls
It’s hard to miss special holiday traditions. Very hard. Especially when those traditions involve comical fumbles. Which reminds me: Do we think the MAC is scripted, WWE-style? So many things that don’t seem like they could happen organically on a football field. Unnatural human movements and such.
2. The Stanley Cup Finals
I’m not sure when the last time was I watched a hockey game, but still. That’s a long wedding.
1. The First Round of the NIT
Don’t even think about it. I don’t care if it’s the ring bearer’s spring break. Off limits. With that being said, do not call in a bomb threat to the church if you have a wedding scheduled during this time, because that is a bad thing to do. But really. Don’t schedule this wedding. If someone does, don’t attend. Not even if it’s your own.
