The Dodgers/Padres game yesterday was exciting. There were home runs. There was lots of scoring. There was a dramatic, come-from-behind, walk-off victory by the home team.
But the most exciting moment came in the seventh inning.
That’s when Joe Kelly pitched.
There was one out, the Padres had just taken a one-run lead, and Manny Machado was posted up on second base, looking to score. Hunter Renfroe was batting, and if you’re wondering what that old man who played football at Clemson these last few years was doing at a baseball game, that is actually Hunter Renfrow you’re thinking of, but you are not alone in being confused. It is a wild coincidence.
Joe Kelly struck his ass out. And the rest of him, too. Hit 100 mph at one point. Got him on a 90 mph knuckle curve, which is mind-bottlingly fast when you stop and think about how Kelly took a baseball, dug his finger into it uncomfortably, then threw it in a manner not conducive to velocity because he wanted it to dance, and that baseball not only executed the dance well but also traveled faster than a legally moving non-emergency vehicle on any road in the United States of America.
It was thrilling, but Joe Kelly wasn’t done.
Wil Myers (no notable athletic homophonic companion) was up next, and if you’re unfamiliar with Wil Myers, he occasionally demolishes baseballs (editor’s note: I think NIT Stu said this because he’s unfamiliar with Wil Myers, but assumed any MLB hitter occasionally gets a hold of one. For context, Myers has been about seven percent better than an average major league hitter over the course of his career.).
But there would be no demolition here. Unless one is referring to the fragile wall of emotion that holds back tears when we, mere mortals, witness the creative power of the divine. For whatever force governs The Universe™ decreed that Joe Kelly would hit 100 mph one more time, then drop to a 99-mph fastball to induce a pop-out from Myers. And people wept.
It was a banner day for Joe Kelly, and therefore for the rest of us. It was a high-pressure situation. The Dodgers needed him. It looked like it was kinda hot. And our hero delivered, lowering his ERA under five in the process.
That’s right: lost in the rejoicing from the outing alone is the thrill that Joe Kelly’s ERA is now 4.97, right around that level where people who don’t pay extraordinarily close attention to baseball don’t know how good or bad it is.
And, as those who pay extraordinarily close attention to Joe Kelly already suspect, his ERA since Joe Kelly Bobblehead Night is even lower. Hard to see, really. A mere ant in a pile of couscous. 1.62.
Joe Kelly for you. Joe Kelly for me. Joe Kelly forever.
