Have you ever been to a grocery store? Wow! That’s really cool! Since I didn’t hear you, I’m not going to acknowledge your answer more directly and let on that I have no idea what you just said.
Those of us who grocery store regularly know that the hardest part of the grocery store process is figuring out what to ask the person bagging your groceries at the grocery store. That’s why we’ve written up this list of good questions to ask! Here they are:
What’s your opinion on the Paris Climate Accords?
Get to the point. You need to know whether to ask for an extra bag or not, and you need to know early, before the dreaded, “Do you want these eight gallons of milk bagged or not bagged?” comes your way. This is a polite way to figure it out.
What level of responsibility do you assign to private citizens in limiting climate change?
Did they say they liked the Accords, but do they look like they might be progressive enough to eschew the acknowledgment of personal agency when there are corporations to be blamed? This could be your ticket out. Hurry up and ask, because the cashier just got through the 46 blocks of cheese, and he’s got his eye on your milk.
Are those glasses capable of taking photos of me?
It’s important here to not ask whether the glasses your bag person is or is not wearing can share the photos on the internet. If the photos exist, they can be shared. Just figure out if they’re taking pictures using a Google Glass® or Snapchat Spectacles©-adjacent technology, so that if you ask for another bag and they don’t like it, you can rest assured you aren’t going to hear about it on Monday from the guys at work at the plunger factory when you’re all in the breakroom sipping on melted ice cream and talking about the latest viral trends on the social medias.
Have you ever killed anybody?
Alright, the milk’s coming up to the barcode scanning thing now. Quick! Try to figure out if you can blackmail them in the event they try to shame you for taking an unnecessary extra bag and, let’s face it, throwing it in a landfill after one single use. This is your last chance. You knew you should put the milknuts in front of the milk on the conveyor belt.
Did you grow up around here?
Alright, you’ve gotten through the bag question by now, I assume. Time to defuse the situation with a personal question. People love talking about themselves.
