I gave a lot of rideshare rides last night. And while I don’t remember them all (off the top of my head—I wasn’t drunk or anything, unlike my own driver last weekend), I remember quite a few right away. Here are those passengers, ranked:
9. The one who was wrong about everything.
This guy was talking about the differences between driving Uber and Lyft, but he had no idea how the latter currently works, instead citing ways it used to be. Not a big deal, but a classic archetype among males. He also tried to tell me Stubhub doesn’t have an algorithm, when the “Best Value” tab is right there when someone goes to buy a ticket, and in my experience is heavily used by purchasers. Lastly, he bemoaned to his friends that so-and-so wasn’t in town, or else they could take their visitor down to Corpus Christi today, to which the visitor basically responded, “why the hell would I want to go to Corpus Christi when I came to see Austin?”
8. The man who kept exuberantly yelling to his friend despite the rest of the car being quiet.
To be fair, I encouraged this man. Because I found it funny that he, upon me confirming we were going to a place with “saloon” in its name, decided to start speaking (yelling) like a caricature of a cowboy. But then he kept yelling. He was the noisiest passenger I have ever had. He yelled his own impression of Austinites, of which he is one. He yelled about how he’s never had a bad margarita. He yelled quite a bit. I liked him (it’s rare that I’ve disliked a passenger), but whoa. He was loud.
7. The musician with strong opinions about scooters.
I liked this guy. But I didn’t need to talk that much about scooters. Also, he was under the impression motorcyclists shouldn’t bother wearing helmets because if they get into a crash, they’re screwed anyway. “It could give you a chance of getting out with less brain damage, but you’re screwed either way if you’re in a crash that bad.” As an NIT/Joe Kelly/milk blogger, I don’t think we should take brain damage this lightly.
6. The guy who smelled terrible but was very nice and talked a lot about his car, the sport model of something European from 1998.
I know very little about cars. But evidently driving a 2014 Jeep Compass with an unsightly dent in the front passenger-side quarter panel makes people think I know something about them. This guy was very nice, though. But boy did he smell bad. Wow.
5. The guy who wants to get into stand-up comedy.
He didn’t say it outright. He’s considering law school. But he did his first open-mic night on Tuesday and it sounds like he wants to do another one. I hope it works out well, or at the very least brings him joy. He seemed like a good guy.
4. The one whose job right now is participating in pharmaceutical trials.
This was one of the wildest 15-minute rides I’ve had. This poor dude. Since I’d said the name of the business when confirming the destination, and he said that business had brought him down to Austin, I asked what the business did. He said they did pharmaceutical trials, so I figured he was a researcher.
He was not.
The first thing he said was “it’s really safe,” which is usually a sign that something isn’t entirely safe. Then he said it was the best job he’s ever had. Having watched Maniac last fall, I hope things are ok.
3. The two who indirectly gave me a first-hand look into the drama of academia.
Rideshare drivers are either listening in on your conversations or lying. And I’m not a liar. I listen in. And these two had some spicy details to share about academia. None of which were actually that spicy, but all of which felt spicy. Hope that hot professor who doesn’t care enough about teaching’s book does well.
2. The one with the little dog and cans of something clinking around back there.
This was one of the last rides of the night, and this passenger was really nice—very understanding when I accidentally missed a turn. She was awesome. Partially because she was whispering reassurances to her little dog the whole ride, and partially because she clearly had something liquid back there, and a lot of it judging by the noise.
1. The very emotionally supportive one with a detailed plan for her life.
You know those people who respond to whatever you say you’re doing with your life with “that’s GREAT”? She was one of those. Really, really nice. Made me feel like the universe wants me to blog about the NIT (which, to be fair, it does). She’s got her life planned out, and while she doesn’t love her job right now because her boss isn’t effective and efficient enough, she’s gonna pass that real estate exam soon and combine it with her accounting experience and eventually run the bakery of her dreams. She’s got this.
