The Major League Baseball lockout is looming, and the people want to know: Where will this leave Joe Kelly? Possible options:
Professional Wrestling
This is a layup. Good part-time job. Is putting a skinny man with semi-frequent injuries out there with a bunch of hulking hulks the best idea for our guy’s health? No. But we’re not a nanny state, guys. We’re a Joe Kelly blog. I want to see him peg Roman Reigns. With a baseball. Not…ok I’m gonna move on.
Justin Timberlake Impersonation Brigade
Again, rather obvious. We already know he can get shifty.
The Beatles
Less obvious, but think about it: The Beatles have been trying to replace George and John for what, forty years? Joe Kelly—an ideologue and a guy who can make wild things happen with his fingers—fills both needs.
Driving a Train
This just seems fun. I don’t know if Knox is into trains, but could be an added bonus.
Mickey Mouse at Disneyland
But only if he fights anyone wearing an Astros hat.
Driving a Train in the Mickey Mouse Suit at Disneyland
There we go.
American Anti-Nuclear Weapon Gunner
North Korea will surely stand down if faced with the prospect of Joe Kelly catching their warheads, turning them around, and throwing them at Kim Jong-un’s helmet.
A Ton of Appearances on The Simpsons
Admit it. Joe Kelly looks a little bit more like a character from The Simpsons than most of us do. Give the people what they want for once, FOX.
The Beatles
I’m just asking you to think about it. For just a second. Come on, guys. It would be good!
