The majority of milk jokes, or at least the plurality, seem to be about lactose intolerance. That’s bad. It’s probably the worst thing currently happening in the world. The reason this is so bad is that it makes those tolerant among us ashamed, or at the very least focused on the bad. You glorify intolerance, the tolerant stay quiet. That’s how the world works.
So, here are a few milk jokes that focus on the good things about our beloved beverage:
I had heartburn last night after eating seventeen chicken wings and a basket of cheese curds. Until…I DIDN’T! Thanks, milk!
Wow, is that person buying Tums at CVS? Guess they’ve never heard of…milk!
Fell down two flights of stairs yesterday when I tried to walk down them on my hands while holding scissors and I got so worried I’d broken my arm…until I remembered I drink milk!
Too fat? You’re not too fat! But you know what’s TWO fat? Two percent milk! (this one works well with kids dealing with self-confidence issues driven by the rise of Instagram, and it works especially well if they’re a little husky)
One time my wife told me the milk I was drinking had fifty times as much fat in it as two-percent does. Um, hello, whole milk’s only about 3.5%!
And finally, the classic:
So then the flight attendant, she says to me: That’s not breakfast! And I say to her: Yes it is! One pint of whole milk in the morning will get your day started right!
