It happened again, guys. I had some time to kill between church Sunday and a prospective-new-members meeting, and after eating a big burrito at Polvo’s (the downtown one) Saturday night, consuming five drinks there and at the Caamp concert (stayed away from Lone Stars, because I knew I had a short night ahead of me and I am technically an adult), having a smoothie for breakfast, and tossing back a couple cups of coffee in the courtyard, I no longer had to kill the time. My activity was decided for me. I went into the bathroom. I closed the door to the stall. The lights turned out.
Evidently, the church uses automatic lights in the bathroom.
Evidently, the church’s timer on these automatic lights is set at something like a minute and a half.
Thankfully, having the lights turn off on you while you’re on the toilet is way less panic-inducing the second time around. Which I know because this was the second time.
Five years ago, I had some time to kill (you see a pattern here) in Nashville before I drove on down to Montgomery (where I would eventually eat dinner at a Waffle House while it poured rain outside, which is just as beautiful as it sounds). I was told Belmont had a beautiful campus. It did have a beautiful campus. It also had a nice, clean bathroom where it was very easy to spend a little too much time (their timer was reasonable).
If you’re ever in this situation, the solution is to just set your phone flashlight on, flashlight up on the toilet paper dispenser so it kiiiind of lights up the room. It’ll be enough. You’ll get through it. Not the best time, but it’s ok. Also, presumably a great story if you decide a year after the fact to become an NIT blogger and then maybe a decade down the line con ESPN into letting you on the broadcast for the Ohio Valley Tournament championship as a trojan horse that will tell the whole world about Belmont’s secret (this is a dream of mine, and not a small one).
That said, the first time it happens to you, it’s mortifying.
The second time? Not stressful at all. Weirdly not stressful.
Anyway, automatic lights are cool, I’m down with saving electricity, all for automatic lights.
But please. Put them on a reasonable timer.
Especially in a religious setting.
