On December 29th, a dramatic discovery was made at a penitentiary in Abbotsford, British Columbia. From the CBC (Global News, actually, but we call everything in Canada the CBC):
“‘A pigeon was located at Pacific Institution, inside the walls, and it appeared to have a small package, sort of like a backpack attached to it,’ John Randle, president of the Pacific Region for Union of Canadian Correctional Officers told Global News.
He said the package contained crystal meth.”
Ok first of all did you have a warrant to search that pigeon’s backpack? Does Canada have a constitution or are we just stopping and frisking pigeons willy nilly up there? Secondly: Let’s talk about backpacks.
The image of a pigeon wearing a backpack is adorable. It’s adorable! Picture it. Big ol’ pigeon walkin’ round carrying their little backpack on their back. Like they’re going to school. But they aren’t going to school they’re delivering methamphetamines to an inmate.
My question is: Who makes backpacks for pigeons? Surely not JanSport. Are these Barbie backpacks? Does Mattel make functional tiny backpacks? *gasp* IS MATTEL A FRONT FOR PIGEON-CENTRIC DRUG SMUGGLING??
I do want to say that we don’t appreciate backpacks enough. Really functional bags, and when they’re built right, you can carry a lot of stuff without messing up your back. If I was an accessory, I would hope to be a backpack. Or a boot, I guess. Boots are mostly cool. Are boots an accessory? Feel like they go in between accessory and clothing. I just betrayed myself as a city-slicker, didn’t I.
Anyway, pigeon wore a backpack to deliver meth to a prison in Canada. I think that’s kind of beautiful.
