The NLCS has moved to Los Angeles. As Billy Joel once said, “California baseball.” Yes, just a short drive from Joe Kelly’s place of origin, he’ll be tasked with stopping the Atlanta Braves from winning the National League pennant. Here are the keys to that endeavor:
Intimidate
Joe Kelly has yet to be allowed to throw every pitch of every single game, but that doesn’t stop him from casting his immortal shadow upon the grounds of the city of angels. Since touching down yesterday, Joc Pederson and his Atlanta baseball franchise have been confronted everywhere they look with the reminder that they’re in the home turf of one of the most fearless pitchers to ever play the game. Wouldn’t be surprised if none of them slept last night.
Obliterate
Mentally. Spiritually. Socially. Yes, physically. Joe Kelly has destroyed batter after batter in each of these realms of health. The 2018 Los Angeles Dodgers? Mental wrecks after dealing with the beast. The 2018 New York Yankees? Cursed to Hell after daring to challenge the universe’s chosen right-handed reliever. Carlos Correa? A pariah’s pariah after the incident in 2020. Tyler Austin? Got his ass kicked.
Does Joe Kelly need to completely ruin the lives of Atlanta batters over these next few days? No. But he might do it anyway.
Strike Out
This is the big one. Our man thrives on the K, and I’m not talking cereal. If the Dodgers are going to win this series, Joe Kelly needs to strike some people’s asses out. Heck, even if the Dodgers are going to lose, I’d like him to deal some whiffs and lock some knees, because when he does that I get to yell into The Internet™ about how great he is and sometimes we get pageviews because people start googling things like how many World Series Joe Kelly has won.
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It’s Joe Kelly vs. the world yet again. Good luck, world. You’ll need it.
