My favorite soccer team—your favorite soccer team—our favorite soccer team—#BritainsTeam (the favorite soccer team of the island of Great Britain)—plays again tomorrow morning. Kickoff (the first kick? what do they call it in soccer?) happens at 6:30 AM Central Time, so I won’t be awake to post this before then. In fact, I probably won’t watch any of the game, though I might keep tabs on the second half.
You don’t need to watch when you’re confident. And I, newfound Burnley fan that I am, am confident.
Yes, Burnley is a big underdog. Yes, I don’t know what I’m talking about. Yes, I keep getting confused about whether it’s Burnley or Burnsley or Barnley or Barnsley. But here’s why Burnley’s about to kick Arsenal’s arse-enal.
They’re tougher
I know very little about England, but where I’m from, it’s easy to pin certain groups of city folk as soft (this has especially been done with regard to coastal elites). Burnley might be a city, but it’s not the city in England, and it’s a long way from that city. Plus, Arsenal sounds like something a bunch of hoity-toits would name their soccer team. Strangely regal. They stand no chance against a team whose name is just a few letters away from “burly.”
I heard about bees on the news this week
My roommate listens to podcasts (showoff), and I overheard something about homeless bees swarming into unexpected places in Europe, causing great problems. Look out for Bertie, Arsenal. He might follow his queen into your downspout and stay there.
Early game helps them
I’m not sure what the conversion rate is on our respective timezones, but anything happening at 6:30 in the morning here can’t be that late in the day in England. Look for well-rested Burnley to win the energy game, as Arsenal, city folk that they are, will probably have been out too late the night before.
Nothing to lose
As the underdog, and already leading the table (I learned that’s what the Britishes call their soccer standings!), another win this weekend would be gravy for Burnley. If Arsenal beats them, so what? But a win, or even a tie, would be a strong result for the bee-clarets (I keep seeing the word ‘claret’ coming from Burnley’s social media, and I don’t know what it means slash I was under the impression Burnley was the bees so I’m going to combine the two to be careful).
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That’s all I’ve got. Enjoy sleeping through the game, forgetting it happened, and checking the score come Tuesday-ish with me.
