Welcome back to the most comprehensive power rankings of license plates created thus far on The Internet™. If you’re joining us anew, here are the regions you’ve missed:
New England
The Mid-East States
The Southeast
The Great Lakes
The Great Plains
The Mountain West
The West Coast
Today, we visit the South. It’s an inconsistent region, not across its plates, but within the plates. Each has its strengths and weaknesses. Let’s dive in.
5. Mississippi
This is an ugly license plate. You knew that. You didn’t need me to tell you. The state seal? If you really want it, fine, but put it on a background that doesn’t look like a difficult-to-replicate pattern comprised of a dehydrated cow’s urine.
The shame here is that Mississippi’s license plates have long had a beautiful font, with their deep, sweeping S’s. The latest home for that font lets down the state, the plate, and all those who place it on their cars.
4. Arkansas
Are there diamonds in Arkansas? I don’t know, but you’ll find one here, along with that strange double helix found on way too many plates. Are people counterfeiting license plates, and does this strange symbol somehow help stymie them? I don’t know. What I do know is that even if it’s being used for something necessary, we need to find a more aesthetically pleasing way to accomplish that purpose.
The sky blue is fine on the plate—not my cup of tea, but objectively fine. As is the employment of the state’s nickname and the unique font of Arkansas that calls to mind elephants (not sure why, but here we are). But overall, not a great effort from the state.
3. Alabama
Alabama’s license plate has some things going for it. The nature scene is ambitious, and works well because even if seen from such a distance that one can’t tell it’s a nature scene (i.e., any distance on a roadway), it looks like a third-grader’s modernist watercolor, and third-graders are deservedly known for their strong performance in the genre of modernist watercolors. The font of Alabama is pleasing to the eye, too.
But the “Heart of Dixie” homage in the bottom-right corner is hard to read, which—coupled with the troublesome nature of the glorification of the word “Dixie,” which has often been done by racists simultaneously glorifying the days of slavery (though obviously, many others have genuine, non-racist reasons for glorifying the word)—makes it feel like Alabama’s trying to sneak it past us. I’m not saying they are. I’m just saying it feels that way.
2. Louisiana
Louisiana’s font is unnecessarily difficult to read. It looks like it was taken a 13-year-old travel baseball team’s knockoff Dri-FIT jersey.
But the Pelican is a strong play, the double helix isn’t front and center, and the fade from white to gold is pleasing to the eye. Overall, not bad work from our Francophile friends, and high in potential.
1. Texas
The double double-helix on Texas’ license plate isn’t great. But as with Louisiana, at least it isn’t in the center, distracting from everything else.
Beyond that, Texas has a clean, strong license plate. The Lone Star is a nice effect, even if its shadowing makes it look too much like a pinwheel. The employment of the state’s filled-in outline in the center is always a strong move for license plate designers unsure of what to do (as long as the state doesn’t have too many straight borders). The all-caps font demonstrates a confidence we all knew Texas had. Personally, while I’d prefer other plates, I’m proud to have this plate on my Jeep Compass as a Texas citizen. It isn’t anywhere close to the best in the country, but it’s a good plate.
Mississippi License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it’s labeled as Public Domain.
Arkansas License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it’s credited to EvanA123.
Alabama License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it’s labeled as Fair Use.
Louisiana License Plate Image taken from Brandywine General Store, where by the looks of it, they’re selling lots of license plates. Yes, we chose this one because it has the letters “STU” on it.
Texas License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it’s labeled as Public Domain.
