It’s that time in the summer when we’re running low on content ideas, and with some happenings (important business dealings, one could say) going on, we wanted to be able to work ahead.
So, I’ve gone and ranked the states (and D.C.) by their standard issue license plates, and to really drag this out (and save you from reading the list in its entirety unless you really want to), I’ve broken it up regionally. We’ll go through one region a day for the next week or so, and then pump out the full list for your consumer pleasure.
Obviously, these regions were drawn in ways that prioritized convenience over similarities in culture and geography, but if you want to get pissed off about them, go right ahead. This is The Internet™, and these are power rankings of something of no consequence, so getting upset about something tangential to even the subject matter is perfectly acceptable. It’s encouraged, even.
We’re starting with New England, because it’s way up there in the corner and if we didn’t start with it I might forget about it. Don’t like it? Tough.
6. Massachusetts
“Spirit of America?” That’s an audacious claim, pal. And depending how you’re defining the phrase, it might not be something to be proud of.
5. Maine
I like chickadees, and I like pine cones, and I like the
idea of a universe in which you say “Vacationland” and everyone someone
knows you’re referring to Maine. But this isn’t getting it done for me. Maybe
it’s a matter of taste.
4. Connecticut
Boring, but crisp and clean and not trying to do too much.
As a side note, I like the move by Connecticut to call itself the Constitution State. When you’re basically a large suburb of New York, but you’re wanting to craft an identity that reminds people suburbs didn’t exist forever and you must have been something else back before the rise of Panera and minivans, calling up a 220 year-old document people like to pretend to care about is effective at throwing us off your scent. It’s no secret that Americans only like to remember the Constitution exists when they don’t like the political party currently trampling it, so in the worst-case scenario, Connecticut calling itself the Constitution State just helps everyone forget it’s there. If you’re Connecticut, invisibility is better than being known as one solid wall of traffic.
3. Rhode Island
Similar to Connecticut’s, but with a much cooler name (claiming the ocean as something to be associated with your state is a power move), an anchor (anchors are always cool), and an unconventional color scheme. Good work, Rhode Island.
2. New Hampshire
There’s a lot going on here.
Well, there are two things going on here.
But both are good things.
The combination of the “Live Free or Die” slogan and the Old Man of the Mountain is New Hampshire’s way of showing us they aren’t messing around up there. And on the highway, that’s a strong message to send.
1. Vermont
Vermont defies the norms of modern-day license plates, and God bless them for it. The solid background with white lettering is at once rustic and warm, and for some reason makes me feel like these are rare plates even if the state’s population isn’t all that different from New Hampshire’s. Basically, Vermont’s license plate makes it look like the driver of the car hasn’t bothered to update their plates, which, combined with the fact that an estimated 95% of Vermont license plates are found on Subaru’s, just adds to the carefree aura projected.
More License Plate Power Rankings
The Mid-East States
The Southeast
The South
The Great Lakes
The Great Plains
The Mountain West
The West Coast
Massachusetts License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is labeled Public Domain.
Maine License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is credited to Dickelbers.
Connecticut License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is credited to Jaycarlcooper.
Rhode Island License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is credited to Ericci8996.
New Hampshire License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is credited to Stripey the crab.
Vermont License Plate Image taken from Wikipedia, where it is credited to Jaycarlcooper.
