I’ll say this about college football:
It’s fun.
Vibes!! Let’s check ‘em.
1. Ryan Williams
A cool thing about sports, and specifically football, is that you can write “KILL EVERYBODY” on your face and people will say, “Hell yeah, brother.” If you write “KILL EVERYBODY” on your face in a different line of work, people will be concerned. They might even call the police.
Speaking of that: Ryan Williams is the truth. Kill everybody, indeed.
2. Ashton Jeanty
Necessary caveat: Offensive lines are a big deal.
Unnecessary caveat: Washington State sucks at tackling. (Everybody sucks at tackling Ashton Jeanty.)
Electric performance from the blue man group last night. Jeanty makes you feel things. Like air. He makes you feel air. If you are trying to tackle him.
3. The U.S. Military (But Not Air Force)
There’s a lot of talk about how we, the United States of America, need to deter Chinese aggression towards Taiwan. So, I propose we start broadcasting AAC football into their country, like how Radio Free Europe used to send news behind the Iron Curtain. Let China know that Army and Navy are both 4–0 for the first time since 1945.
4. Brave Mark Stoops
I’m still not sure Mark Stoops learned when to go for it on fourth down and when not to go for it on fourth down. I think his thought process yesterday might have been, “Man, a lot of people called me stupid last time.” Either way, he made the right call, Kentucky knocked off Mississippi, and the vibes are great in Lexington. This is why Texas A&M wanted to hire him. Because he can beat top-ten teams three weeks after looking like roadkill.
5. Islam
Between Hajj-Malik Williams’s big day for UNLV and Jihaad Campbell’s big play for Alabama, it was a Saturday full of me googling Arabic words to see just how offensive it would be to include this section in a blog post.
6. Sam Houston
Sam Houston was the best Texan founding father. Won the Battle of San Jacinto, lived with the Cherokee for a while, fought against joining the Confederacy…not perfect or anything, but he was the best of them.
In related news, big win for the Bearkats yesterday. While those dorks in the WAC-12 and the Mountain West tried to get Texas State to join their cause, Sam Houston went and beat Texas State at NRG Stadium, coming back from 18 points down across the final quarter and a half. In a just world, this would result in those conferences pivoting to pursuing Sam Houston. (Honestly, guys. You should maybe ask Sam Houston to join. Texas State’s had one good coach and not a whole lot else.)
7. The ACC Replay Command Center
I love the ACC Replay Command Center. I don’t fully understand it, (The ref looking into the Raincoat TV still makes the decisions, right?) but I love it. I imagine they get a takeout platter from Bojangles every Friday night, and then another one every Saturday morning, and then I bet that after the Saturday night games are done a bunch of them go to Cook Out together and talk about their golf games. The ACC Replay Command Center sounds like a great way to pretend you are important for 24 hours every week. I’d bring a sleeping bag on Fridays. Tell everyone I was handling the night watch.
Anyway, the ACC Replay Command Center…might have done its job for Miami? Again, not sure what exactly the ACC Replay Command Center’s job is, but my impression was that a large chunk of that writhing mass of bodies was out of bounds, and that because the bodies had become one, that made anything they touched out of bounds as well. Once the bodies become one, they are one entity for in bounds/out of bounds purposes. That’s how football works (I think).
8. Colorado
A funny thing about Colorado is that last year, when they sucked, ESPN and FOX were all over them. This year, when they’re playing really well (by Colorado standards), I’m not hearing that much? If Colorado had played like this last season they would have renamed the Heisman after Travis Hunter.
Buffs are rolling. Shedeur Sanders might not opt out of the season in two weeks. Deion Sanders might not have to quit his job and start an NIL agency that’s eventually accused of fraud but never brought to trial.
9. Not Having Any Money
Who would have thought, at any point in the last 40 years, that the one team winning the old-fashioned way would be the University of Nevada, Las Vegas? These guys couldn’t come up with even ten thousand dollars for a quarterback. And it worked!
And again I say unto you, It is easier for a (Campbell) camel to (thread) the eye of a needle, than for (Matthew Sluka) to enter the (College Football Playoff).
10. Jason Benetti
Technically not college football, but how about this guy? In the span of twelve months, Jason Benettti went from working for Jerry Reinsdorf to getting beers poured on his head by the Detroit Tigers, who love him, as he and they celebrated a playoff berth. Good for him.
1. The Sip
I love Lane Kiffin. I love him from a distance, because I’m not entirely sure he isn’t going to go out like a child star, but I love Lane Kiffin. Still…boy. Not a great look to put a dumb recruiting tag in your endzone and then lose to a team who doesn’t play offense. This is the best Mississippi’s ever been. It might be the best they’ll ever be.
2. Mack Brown
I hope he threatened to retire again.
For those who missed it, UNC followed up their 70–50 loss to James Madison by shutting out Duke…for two and a half quarters. After that, Duke came back from a 20–0 deficit, knocked off the team in the rivalry who’s supposed to be good at football, and distributed all of UNC’s cattle to NC State and East Carolina. Their pets’ heads are falling off in Chapel Hill.
3. Purdue
The Boilermakers had Nebraska right where they wanted ‘em: Repeatedly missing field goals. Once that stopped, it got ugly fast. Nebraska scored 28 unanswered in a little more than 13 minutes, and Purdue’s march towards 1–11 continues.
4. Brohms’ Brains
I don’t know who on Louisville’s staff is responsible for playcalling and end-of-game clock management. But I know it’s a Brohm, and I know that getting a delay of game penalty on 4th and inches while the clock is running DURING THE TWO-MINUTE DRILL is the kind of thing that’ll get Ippei Mizuhara’s FBI team subpoenaing your phone bills.
This clip is starting to feel a little concerning.
5. Hugh Freeze
You would think that the most embarrassing thing in Hugh Freeze’s life would be the time he got fired for repeatedly calling escort services on a University of Mississippi cellphone. But if you watch this Auburn team for long enough…
6. The MAC
One week after taking Northern Illinois out of the playoff race, Buffalo lost 47–3 to UConn. Elsewhere, reigning champion Miami–Ohio needed a last-minute drive to tie and an overtime field goal to beat UMass, something which kept the RedHawks from falling to 0–4. Meanwhile, the Mountain West is trying to steal MAC teams and it won’t even give the schools the respect of offering full membership. They’re talking football-only. Stand up for yourselves, MAC. Go fight the Mountain West’s commissioner’s office.
7. Cam Rising’s Mortal Frame
Utah is good. Cam Rising gets hurt. Utah survives. Cam Rising remains hurt. Utah continues to survive. Cam Rising remains hurt. Utah loses a game they shouldn’t lose.
The cycle never ends.
8. Wisconsin
Sometimes I forget how good Wisconsin was just seven years ago. Even in 2021, they won nine games. Now, Braelon Allen’s threatening to do the modern equivalent of writing a tell-all book. It’s a bad scene in Madison.
9. Not Having Any Points
Not having any money? Holy. Cool. A winning formula. Not having any points? Not as fun. Houston has now been shut out two weeks in a row. They’re averaging 10.4 points per game and 0.0 in Big 12 play. Houston is so bad that I instinctively clicked on “American Athletic Conference” to find them just now in the ESPN app. Houston needs to be careful. If enough people make the mistake that I did, there’s a special clause in the ESPN contract which will relegate the Coogs back to the AAC.
10. Brian Kelly
Not much notable this week from our guy BK. South Alabama held LSU to seven second-half points, but that was mostly because LSU had gotten too tired scoring their 35 first-half points.
