Remember last week, when the haters thought they had won? When the haters thought getting a little wild and allowing a Kyle Schwarber home run was something to be ashamed of? When bedwetters in the Houston suburbs who “don’t care about Joe Kelly” but obsess over his every outing went to bed thinking maybe, just maybe, nature was finally on their side?
Better air out that mattress before you put the sheets back on, nameless Sugar Land-based sports radio host.
Heartbreak was on the menu in Los Angeles. Tyler Glasnow’s lead was gone. The out-of-town scoreboard told an ominous tale of an Arizonan march towards dominance. Shohei Ohtani kept looking at his spikes after the bottom of the sixth, like he’d maybe stepped in some gum.
Who you gonna call?
(crowd responds “JOE KELLY!” but a few people get confused and say “Joesbusters!” which sounds better but does not make sense)
Gas.
Heat.
Lasers, thrown by a human hand.
The top of the ninth was a sight to behold. Ke’Bryan Hayes, down on strikes. Ji Hwan Bae, foul tip strike three. Michael A. Taylor, groundout to first. Who covered first base? Joe Kelly, of course. He beat Taylor to the bag by a mile.
On the game went, and out went Joe Kelly. The moment passed, and the score remained the same. But as the Pirates understand better than anybody else, the tide had irreversibly shifted. The Dodgers rode that surge to a 10th-inning victory, clinching the series sweep.
What’s next for our hero? A road trip. Milwaukee tonight through Thursday, then Kelly’s beloved Busch Stadium for a weekend set. Keep an eye on those Brewers games. Pat Murphy and Joe Kelly have a thing in common.
