We all hate the Astros. They are eminently hateable. Like Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton, they are cheaters. Like Bryson DeChambeau and Grayson Allen, they are whiners. Like the U.S.S.R. and overly aggressive/sneakily racist zoning boards, they are a threat to the American way of life.
We knew this back in Spring Training. We knew this when baseball resumed—try as Rob Manfred might’ve to remind people how hateable he is. We knew this when Joe Kelly took the mound for The Sixth Inning that Shook the World™.
What we didn’t know was that our hero, here at The Barking Crow, would become America’s hero just by utterly emasculating Alex Bregman and Carlos Correa.
We knew the short-lived impact was possible. We knew Joe Kelly might kick some ass, physically or emotionally, and become a celebrity for at least a few days. What we did not expect was that he would become a martyr for the entire sport, with the added benefit of remaining alive and remaining capable of kicking more physical and emotional ass.
Yes, Rob Manfred came through. By suspending our guy, making no reasonable public statement acknowledging any of what’s going on, and then elevating Trevor Bauer’s tribute to Joe Kelly yesterday into an issue of censorship and commissioner’s-office-fear, Manfred has kept the story alive, while Astros like Lance McCullers do their part as well.
We’re now nearly halfway through the season. The Sixth Inning that Shook the World™ happened in the first full week of games. Joe Kelly is still arguably the biggest story of the year, right up there with Fernando Tatís Jr. being the future of the game and the absence of any competent planning to combat the coronavirus turning out to be a bad idea.
What a chain of events. Thank you all for your contributions. Joe Kelly forever.
