Joe Kelly appeared on Baseball Isn’t Boring this morning, and first:
I hope Rob Bradford knows how excited it makes me every time he announces Joe Kelly will be on the next morning’s episode of Baseball Isn’t Boring. I planned my day today around Baseball Isn’t Boring. I thought about Baseball Isn’t Boring as I fell asleep. I didn’t end up listening to Baseball Isn’t Boring until noon, because my dog and my five-month-old son conspired on a scheme which among other things left pumpkin in my underwear, but Baseball Isn’t Boring even made that better. I cleaned pumpkin out of my underwear thinking about Baseball Isn’t Boring. (Not the first time someone’s thought of Joe Kelly while cleaning out their undies, am I right?) (I’m talking about all the batters he’s made shit themselves.)
Second:
Joe Kelly has a plan.
He didn’t say what it was. He said he couldn’t say. June was mentioned, but not in a way that made it sound like Joe Kelly would be back in June, perhaps in time for his birthday or the anniversary of the game where he mysteriously left the mound in the middle of an inning and everyone thought he had to poop. But Joe Kelly has a plan.
This is, of course, terrible news for the haters. For one thing, it makes it sound like Joe Kelly isn’t done with them yet. For another, though: I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but I don’t think Joe Kelly’s always been a planner. Seeing him on the mound…those are the eyes of a man who operates on instinct. Like Michael Jordan and Jerry Rice and Dale Earnhardt and Nelson Mandela, a lot of Joe Kelly’s greatness originates from the great trust he places in his natural and supernatural gifts. Add a plan on top of that? This is like Bach discovering the organ.
With the Dodgers bullpen—as it’s gone for so many Los Angeles firemen before them—tasked with a hopeless cause last night, this has to be a relief to baseball fans all across Southern California. For baseball fans around the world? It’s more excitement than relief. There’s still a lot of unknown. But we Trust The Plan. And we will continue to Trust The Plan.
Here’s the link to the episode, for those who need it. That probably includes you.
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