“I Will Rain Frank Schwindel From Heaven for You”

And the children of Wrigley said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the Brewers in September, when we sat by the playoff picture, and when we did eat illusions of hope to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with an eleven-game losing streak.

Then said Jed Hoyer onto the beat reporters, Behold, I will rain Frank Schwindel from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and watch him strike an extra-base hit every day, that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.