My mother has alerted me that today is Manatee Appreciation Day. I was surprised to receive this alert, given that my mother has not previously shown interest in the gentle beasts, but here we are. It’s Manatee Appreciation Day. Let’s appreciate some manatees.
Manatees, as you may know, are called sea cows (not to be confused with the extinct Steller’s sea cow, which lived around a specific stretch of islands in the Bering Sea). Why are they called sea cows? While I don’t know for sure, I would assume that they are the leaders in the underwater dairy industry, and that mermaids consume their milk to make their bones strong (I’m assuming mermaids have bones up top and cartilage in the tail, but I suppose it could be bones the whole way through, like whales). I further assume that manatees are a hit at underwater petting zoos, that vast swaths of mermaid Instagram are dedicated to the humble beasts, and that when mermaids drive past manatees, they call out, “sea cows!” just as we call out, “land cows!” when we pass our gentle beasts.
So happy Manatee Appreciation Day, from us milk-lovers above the sea to you milk-lovers below it. Give them all a good plate of sea grasses today.
Note: I like that Manatee Appreciation Day has to be on a Wednesday. Not a specific date. A specific Wednesday.
Here we go.
When I was in college, one summer I walked from Seattle to Billings. Billings is in Montana. Before you go getting all impressed, you should know that I walked much farther than Billings—I walked all the way to Philadelphia. So be more impressed, than you were a couple seconds ago.
By the time I got to Billings, I was tired. I took a break, and went to visit a friend named Braden. He was a weird guy. For starters, he name was Braden and he grew up in the countryside outside of Billings. There are two things. But I went to visit him anyway.
We rode 4 wheelers under Big Sky, we ate face-sized steaks, and we hung out. At some point we were trolling through the countryside in an old pickup, windows down. That’s when he told me about a game he and his friends like to play, called “Hey Cow.”
The game is simple. Drive by a herd of cattle, hang as far out the window of the truck as possible (I know what you’re thinking and yes it has to be a truck this is Montana), and shout “Hey Cow” as loud as possible. You get a point for every cow that looks at you.
So here is my point: do you think the mermaids play “Hey Cow” too?
Yes.
ALRIGHT!! Appreciate, I will!