Grievances

Ok, we’re into the new apartment, let’s list the things we don’t like about it. We like it a lot overall, but we need to acknowledge these. We’ll start with the little ones and work our way up.

The Top Rack of the Dishwasher Is Weirdly Close to the Roof

The dishwasher’s roof, I mean. Not the roof of the building. But that too, in a way. Basically, there’s less space above the top rack than one would think. Can’t fit some of the bigger drinking vessels in there and they’re top-rack only. I don’t really mind this one, but I’ve been told it’s severe, so I compromised and mentioned it.

The Water Pressure Sucks

Probably should’ve seen this coming. Top floor, new-ish building so built with the environment in mind, no satisfying showers will be had here. It’s a bummer, but what is one to do.

This Building Has a Package Delivery Service That’s a Complete Scam and Also a Pain in the Ass

Were it just a scam, it would be fine. But it’s also a pain in the ass. Here’s the scoop:

It’s called Fetch. It is terrible. It is the stupidest business on the planet, and I incorporated an NIT blog, so I should know. The problem it’s ostensibly trying to solve is that of packages being stolen from outside people’s doors or locked in leasing offices overnight, both of which, sure, are legitimate problems at certain apartments, I get that, that’s why package lockers exist. The problem with how it’s solving that problem is that its method is this:

• Instead of putting your own address on a package, you put a special address at a warehouse eight miles north. In addition to putting this on all packages you order online, you must share this with anyone who wishes to send you a package, which makes it real hard to receive gifts, especially because part of the special warehouse address is an eight-character code that reads like a rune that might unlock a chamber granting passage to the underworld if spoken aloud in the wrong place. Mine is ESX522-2. Good luck, Grandma.
• Once the package has arrived at the warehouse, Fetch waits a few hours. Once they’ve cooled off from the exhilaration of receiving said package, they send you a notification asking when you’d like it delivered. You select a delivery window, or say you’ll go pick it up from the warehouse. The delivery windows have a maximum number of packages in them, so not every window is available, meaning there can be delays on when you get it. In our experience so far, these windows fill up fast. I have no idea how you can receive anything requiring refrigeration at this apartment.
• You can, thankfully, tell them to just select the next available window for you, and you can also authorize them to leave all packages at the door, which is what we’ve done. We don’t think anyone in this yuppie building is going to steal our prescription dog food. If they do, well, we’ll learn our lesson. But the end result of this is that you’re back in the package delivery model that works everywhere else in the world which is: The package gets delivered to your door as soon as possible. Except in this case, as soon as possible is actually 24 hours after as soon as possible, because Fetch has spent 24 hours hanging out with your package at a small additional charge to you, included in the monthly “utility” payment you pay alongside your rent. And there’s one exception:
• Large packages can’t be left in the hallway, so if you order a grass pee-pad for your dog (every package we order is for our dog, it seems), you either have to guarantee you’ll be around for the entirety of the four-hour window in which it could be delivered or commit to making the trip up to the warehouse, where the person helping you retrieve said package is rude and hurried and yet also wants to talk about your dog’s potty training while you try not to smash all the delivery vehicles’ windshields in fury with the not-that-big-it-would-be-fine-in-the-hallway box. Which is also pretty beat up, possibly by FedEx but possibly by Fetch.

Fetch, then, in summary, is charging you to make deliveries slower and, in the case of large packages, less convenient. I hope this is a kickback scheme and that the people with the leasing companies who are signing buildings up for this are getting money out of it. Otherwise, they have been swindled, and they should stay away from mechanics at all costs, lest they spend thousands of dollars replacing their brake rotors every two months because “Really, sir or ma’am, they look bad.”

***

Overall, great place, we like it, we’re excited. But man, hope they get rid of Fetch. Hope Fetch goes out of business. Considering suing Fetch for fraud.