Get Rid of the Humidor

The Home Run Derby happened last night, and in a give-the-people-what-they-want move, Major League Baseball did something not dumb for once and ditched the humidor. Balls soared, and I’m talking mostly about baseballs but if anyone was turned on I’m not going to criticize, because home run derbies (sorry, home runs derby) are one of those things that transcend human emotions. Feats of strength and coordination, all at once? While wearing funny pants? Sounds like evolution to me.

Anyway, MLB should consider getting rid of the humidor forever. Just ditch it. It’s only two parks. One of them is in Arizona, which no one remembers exists anyway when they think about baseball (if you told me the Diamondbacks had been contracted and I’d had two beers, I would remember you were wrong, but if I’d had three beers I would remain convinced of this for life and would get all trippy every time Joe Kelly struck a Diamondback out) and wasn’t that much of a hitter’s park pre-humidor anyway.

The arguments against it, as far as I can tell, are that pitchers would never want to sign up to play in Colorado (possibly not even in the NL West) and that numbers would be warped by the whole thing. That’s it, though, right? It’s just those two arguments? Which is really just one argument, consisting of the “Colorado can’t be too different” theme?

I say, let ‘em rake.

Pitchers all have their price, and the Rockies would be saving money on hitters who would absolutely love a one-year deal in Denver before hitting the open market. Also, having one park with a dramatically different game doesn’t sound that different from having one league with a dramatically different game, which is something we’ve been cool with for what, forty years? If you’re willing to have a difference between leagues in which one league has pitchers swinging bats and the other forbids all but the rarest from swinging bats, you can handle having one division’s teams play in a home run haven thirteen more times a year than their pennant rivals.

Let the thin air eat.