I was born in 1994, which I believe means that the last time the Mariners were relevant, I was trying to avoid learning how to ride a bike (balance is a weakness of mine—I’m prone to toppling). Since that fateful 2001 season, it’s been easy to forget the Mariners exist. They’re a long way away. They never make the playoffs. Ichiro retired.
And while the surest way this could be rectified would be the Mariners becoming good, that appears unlikely for a little while. So instead, we’ll talk about branding. It’s easy. It generates buzz. It draws jokes. It upsets old fogies.
Establishing my credentials is necessary before launching into this, because there are a lot of nerds out here on The Internet™ earnestly trying to get clicks by proposing rebrands. So here’s the relevant section of my résumé:
And if you’re looking for the story on Weber State, I have that for you too: Intrepid NIT Blogger Makes Revolutionary Proposal.
Now that we’ve established I am the best person on The Internet™ to be having this discussion, let’s cut to the chase.
The Mariners’ problem (on the branding side—baseball’s a whole nother deal) can be most simply summed up in the fact that they have no logo involving a beard.
Yes, the compass is a nice idea. But you know who uses compasses in 2019? Nerds and cars. I’ve seen a compass at some point in the last fifteen years, and I still forget that logo is a compass. I see it and I index to “oh yeah, the Mariners exist,” not to “seafaring cold water explorers who probably eat raw fish and would make me walk the plank if I tapped them on the wrong shoulder.”
The Mariners have one of the best nicknames in sports. It’s unique. It’s geographically relevant. It’s inspiring.
And they’re using a compass for their logo.
So, yes, a beard is necessary. And there should be a person behind the beard, drawn in the style of the Padres’ goofy wobbly friar but with a wrinkled old sailor. Wearing, as has been established, a beard.
Now, the trident M can stay. And tridents in general. Give the old man a trident. Give him a compass, even. Or one of those cool little brass telescopes. Just make it clear what it is, so the world doesn’t immediately associate the symbol with mediocrity.
And the color scheme that accompanies the trident (that royal blue/yellow shebang) can also stay. In fact, it needs to stay, and the current scheme needs to go, because as things stand, I don’t know what the Mariners’ current second color is, having become too bored thinking about their logo to care enough to name that color.
That’s it. That’s the solution. You’re welcome, Seattle. I’ll leave the baseball part to you.
