Idaho is wearing helmets today that say “Fightin’ Taters” in gold script, and if you’ve followed enough Idahoan college football to wonder, well of course the Idaho Potato Commission is involved! Fret not, football fans. Spuddy Buddy will be at the Kibbie Dome this afternoon.
Now. A crop engaging in crime-adjacent activity? That’s fun. Here are twelve more one-game rebrands that 1) support agriculture and 2) call to mind agricultural products behaving badly:
The Racketeerin’ Peanuts (University of Georgia)
Under Kirby Smart, Georgia players have made a habit of rendering roadways unsafe for others. What if they did something productive instead, like create a de facto organization that shakes down local businesses for profit?
The Smugglin’ Cranberries (University of Washington)
What else are all those boats for anyway?
The Murderous Soybeans (University of Illinois)
Bret Bielema definitely doesn’t know what “soy boy” means. But I do think he’s been angry before.
The Flamin’ Lobsters (University of Maine)
Talking arson here. Being gay is legal. Especially in Maine.
The Reckless Corn (Iowa State University)
I don’t know if the Pork Tornadoes play RAGBRAI every year or just the years I’ve paid attention.
RAGBRAI is a bike ride, by the way.
Iowa rules.
The Drunk Wheat (North Dakota State University)
They’re halfway there with the wheat spikes on the helmet. They’re also halfway there with how drunk you can get in Fargo if you give yourself a couple hours. We keep waiting for NDSU to put it all together again.
The Fraudulent Grapes (Cal)
Think of how many UC Berkeley students are out there committing financial crimes. It’s the perfect overlap of nerds who know how the financial system works and philosophically entropic nutjobs who hate the concept of a financial system.
The Larcenous Milk (University of Wisconsin)
If you thought Udder Tuggers were fun, picture a cartoon cow with a mask like the Hamburglar’s.
The Hackin’ Tobacco (NC State)
This is actually kind of cool.
The Gamblin’ Timber (Oregon State)
This is probably a band that probably exists. Probably in Oregon.
The Publicly Indecent Cotton (Texas A&M University)
Who you calling soft? *pisses*
The Justice-Obstructin’ Oranges (University of Florida)
R.I.P. Aaron Hernandez. *prayer hands emoji*
**
This was a fun one.
Also, Hackin’ Tobacco needs to happen.