Killed a fly earlier. Not maliciously, for those concerned. It was doing a lot of buzzing around my face so I bopped it and down it went. Sorry, fly. I don’t like it either.
Which NFL team matches each college football program’s identity the best:
New England Patriots: Alabama
Their name has become synonymous with success solely due to recent spells of dominance.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Ohio State
Consistently good, consistently pretty obnoxious as a community, mix of history and present-day strength.
Dallas Cowboys: Florida
Not much intrinsically likable, a lot of aspects that make you wince, were great a while ago and good recently but definitely not great recently.
Washington Commanders: Penn State
Their best days are a long way in the past and—oh, oh God.
Miami Dolphins: Mississippi
Really? These guys have never been good? Never ever? Because I feel like they’re in the picture a lot.
Arizona Cardinals: Stanford
The longer you sit with these guys, the less you like them as a franchise/program. Something’s just off. Also had a good run once and basically exactly once.
New Orleans Saints: Texas
Not back, but always a threat to be back.
Chicago Bears: Tennessee
Once successful, now a comedy of errors.
Denver Broncos: USC
The ingredients are there, guys. Not doing much with ‘em, but there are ingredients.
San Francisco 49ers: Notre Dame
Were very good long enough ago that people think of them as good, haven’t pulled it off recently but at least in the picture. Traditional.
New York Giants: Auburn
We aren’t sure how they do it, but every now and then they beat (insert “the Patriots” or “Alabama”) and when they do, it’s a riot.
Houston Texans: Indiana
If they win eight games, tears of joy are shed.
Seattle Seahawks: Miami
Were a pretty good players program for a while, but that led to its inevitable conclusion.
Los Angeles Rams: Georgia
Whoa, they actually did it for once.
Carolina Panthers: Oregon
Did these guys ever actually do it for once?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: LSU
Every now and then, they will quickly become very, very good, and every time it happens you’ll have an instinct that something nefarious is happening.
Green Bay Packers: Oklahoma
Traditional, recently relevant but has been a while since there was postseason success.
Minnesota Vikings: Missouri
These teams play football.
Detroit Lions: South Carolina
Do these teams play football?
Philadelphia Eagles: Wisconsin
Rarely do they full-on pull it off, but when they’re good, it’s a blast. Also, weird number of memorable blowout regular season wins.
Los Angeles Chargers: Texas A&M
I’ll believe it when I see it, by which I mean I won’t believe it unless it becomes impossible to not believe.
Cleveland Browns: Michigan
This is a hard one, but basically they both want you to know they were good in the 1940’s and that their thing (Cleveland, for the Browns; an unearned air of arrogance, for Michigan) isn’t the thing you very clearly can see it is. Unclear if they’re trying to win.
Kansas City Chiefs: Clemson
Recent arrival to the main scene after years of speculation about them getting there, there’s a lot of likability and also a few small things that make you want to hate them.
Indianapolis Colts: Boise State
How exactly did that happen, again?
Las Vegas Raiders: Florida State
Try to play up the bad boy image, frequent victims of their own aggressive mismanagement.
Tennessee Titans: Iowa
There is a small place in society where people care a lot about this team and a large place that cannot be bothered to notice them until after they’ve fallen short.
New York Jets: UCLA
Yeah, but you can see how it would work, right?
Jacksonville Jaguars: Virginia Tech
Their good times weren’t that good, but they made you think they were. Lot of bad times, otherwise.
Atlanta Falcons: Washington State
Yeah but that one time they were almost awesome.
Baltimore Ravens: Michigan State
So often better than you would think they should be.
Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati
Well, last year was sure fun!
Buffalo Bills: Texas Tech
If it ever works out, it’s going to be incredible.
No reference to Marshall University — the most winningest football program in the 1990s? Shame on you.
Did you consider that there was perhaps no equivalent? Shame. Shame on you for disrespecting Marshall by comparing them to these clowns.