I think it’s funniest because it was Arsenal.
If you haven’t been following Burnley business, yesterday was the first ever Burnley Day in the U.K. We didn’t know that coming in. We thought it was just another Saturday. Then, Sean Dyche rose from the ashes to troll the Premier League yet again, letting them know no team is safe from maddening 1-0 upset losses from the man they call…hmm. Probably just call him Sean.
Here’s the situation, for a layperson:
- Burnley used to troll teams in the Premier League by being very bad but beating them anyway, or by tying them (ties are such a troll move). This often occurred by Burnley playing stonewall defense and then sneaking a goal through. Lot of 0-0 draws. Some memorable 1-0 upsets.
- At some point, this became unsuccessful, and Burnley had to fire their manager, Sean Dyche.
- Burnley got relegated anyway.
- Burnley had to sell all its players because it got relegated and wasn’t going to make enough money to keep them.
- Everton continued to be really bad (Everton should have been relegated instead of Burnley, but they broke English soccer rules and got away with it because the rules they broke must just not exist in practice, and only in theory), so Everton fired its manager, and Everton replaced its manager with Sean Dyche.
- Yesterday was Sean Dyche’s first match.
- Arsenal, not long-suffering or anything but its American fans think it is even though it’s one of the richest clubs in the world, is in first place, having a dream season.
- Everton played Arsenal yesterday.
- Everton beat Arsenal, 1-0.
- The goal came from a player—James Tarkowski—whom Burnley had sold off, and the assist on it came from a player—Dwight McNeil—whom Burnley had sold off.
- While all of this was happening, Burnley was down in the Championship stomping the shit out of Norwich City. 3-0 road victory.
This is all quite silly and fun, but most importantly, it’s making fun of the very core of soccer as a sport. That’s what Sean Dyche does. Sean Dyche takes soccer and says, “What if I made a team that doesn’t really try to score?” And it works. And his glorious bald head and ginger goatee watch nonchalantly because he was expecting it the whole time.
God bless that man.
God bless Burnley.
