Do Mascots Have Children in Their Hips?

I was noticing Blooper’s hips recently, and thinking about how Gritty’s seem to be built for maximum gyrating, and I got curious about where this all began. When did we decide mascots should have donks? Was it the Phanatic?

A friend of the blog happened to see my musings on this (little inside baseball: a lot of our ideas are hashed out in the notes app), and he mentioned those big, hooped cotillion dresses. Which, of course, made me think of The Nutcracker.

I’m probably remembering details of this incorrectly, because I was in preschool when it happened, but when I was in preschool, I think I was a Polichinelle. Which means, one of these guys:

I’m pretty sure we were crawling along under the skirt, and I’m pretty sure something happened and I fell behind, leading me to pop out behind Mother Ginger and turn with terror to face the crowd, who of course laughed at me. I froze. Mother Ginger got further away. I started crawling as fast as I could to catch up.

Might this all be a figment of my memory? Yes. But I remember it. For whatever that’s worth. I also remember being rather concerned about the Rat King’s sword, and being reassured that they’d put a dull point on its tip. I also might not have been concerned. I might have just been curious. I really liked the stage trick of thrusting a sword between one’s arm and one’s torso to make it look like one had been stabbed through the heart.

You may be wondering whether I was in ballet as a child. I don’t think I was. That might have been what was happening, but what I’d guess is that the local ballet studio had a deal with my preschool (I went to a Montessori preschool, which you may have already surmised if you’re a regular reader). Anyway, back to Blooper.

Do you guys think there are children in mascots’ hips?

I ask because the only practical use of a hoop skirt, to me, is to hide children within it. And while I know there’s some value in mascots being thicc, I don’t know how we arrived upon that realization unless we were first trying to make the Phanatic carry babies around with him, in case he needed some later, for bits or surprises or snacks.

At the very least, we wanted the Phanatic to be able to play Mother Ginger. And play Mother Ginger, one of these mascots should. The Nutcracker, starring Gritty. What a thrill that would be.