The Ottawa Senators season is underway, while Burnley is taking an international break, so according to the rules and regulations which govern Disco Inferno (i.e., the Geneva Convention), we must start by discussing Burnley. A lot happened since the last time we gathered in this fiery hall of 70’s dance.
FAQ’s, or, what I imagine are the questions you would ask, were we metaphysically capable of conducting this as an interview; an interview between you, the reader, and I, the blogger:
How’s Burnley Doing?
Not bad.
Are They Winning?
Kind of. I think the last time we broke internet bread together, here in this chamber of burning and technological pop rock, was the morning Burnley played those fuckers from Blackburn. Burnley played well that day but Blackburn salvaged a tie. Over the next five games, Burnley sometimes played badly and won, sometimes played well and tied, and probably played well and won once but details are slipping my mind. Last time out, they drew with Preston in another derby.
We’ve gotten two 0–0 games, which is the first thing we were excited for when Scott Parker came aboard. Scott Parker’s hair has consistently looked excellent, which is the second thing we were excited for when Scott Parker came aboard. We’re getting into British winter now, which is like American winter but drearier. That man’s hair is going to look so good in the January mists of East Lancashire.
The bottom line is that Burnley’s in third place, one point off the Championship lead, having only lost to first-place Sunderland (on the road) and having yet to play second-place Sheffield United. The only other developments on the top of my mind are that we got some Men in Blazers love, because JJ Watt and Roger Bennett are friends (Roger Bennett’s sneaky well-connected for someone who always seems so down to earth); and that Lyle Foster got hurt this weekend playing for South Africa. South Africa said Foster doesn’t need surgery. No word on whether Bennett might need any surgeries. Having included one weird personal note on Roger Bennett already, it’s probably best to not speculate on his health.
What About the Sens?
Well, they’re in session, of course.
What Does That Mean?
Don’t worry about it.
Any Preseason News?
Yes.
…?
They made more progress on the LeBreton Flats arena, they extended Linus Ullmark, and Brady Tkachuk’s wife gave birth to a boy named Ryder. I just checked if Ryder is an anagram for Brady, and it isn’t. Both do have a “y,” a “d,” an “r,” and five total letters, but that’s where the similarities end. I bring up Ryder because there was a nice moment on Opening Night (before the Sens waxed the defending champions) where Brady Tkachuk, Matthew Tkachuk, and Ryder Tkachuk posed for a picture which made some 2045 broadcast producer’s head spin with delight.
Other things that happened: Carter Yakemchuk had a great camp and scored a game-winner over the Leafs in a preseason game, but the Sens sent him back to the WHL, because it’s simply too fun to play for a team named the Calgary Hitmen and they didn’t want to deny him one more year in that world. Guess that was only one thing, kind of. A big thing, but only one.
How’s the Season Going?
Hard to tell! Ullmark kicked the Panthers’ ass but then October NHL MVP Sam Montembeault and the Canadiens silenced the Sens in Montreal on Saturday. Would’ve been cool to win both games instead of just one, but the Sens did beat the Panthers, which means that if the Stanley Cup worked like a WWE Belt, the Canadiens would currently have it.
Playing the Kings Today?
Yes, playing the Kings, who like many American entities are having to confront the fact that Canada disobeys us and runs its own competing Thanksgiving. Honestly, kind of smart. Great way to dodge the Columbus Day/Indigenous Peoples Day disagreement. I still wish this was just “Canada Day,” because October is a way more Canadian month than July is (as we’ve said far too many times on this site and may say again later today), but I digress.
Yes, the Sens play the Kings today. Early game:
- Senators vs. Los Angeles
- 12:00 PM Texas Time
- ESPN+
I feel like if you’re playing a team from Los Angeles at home and the puck drops at 10:00 AM on their Californian body clocks, you should win, especially on Canadian Thanksgiving. (Do they call it Thanksgiving? Do they call ours American Thanksgiving? I hope they don’t. I hope they call ours Thanksgiving and theirs Canadian Thanksgiving. I think it would be an appropriate gesture to our cultural and economic heft.) But! This is the Sens, after all.
Is Something Going on Involving Gravy Boats?
Oh YEAH!
There was going to be a gravy boat giveaway, because it’s Canadian Thanksgiving, but evidently striking longshoremen is not only an American phenomenon. There are ten thousand specialty gravy boats stuck at the port in Halifax. So, instead of gravy boats, the first ten thousand fans will get a free popcorn and a soda. Honestly, kind of awesome. The gravy boat giveaway has been pushed back to Pearl Harbor Day, when the Predators come to town. Weird day to make all about boats, but I guess it’s better than giving away little airplanes with the Rising Sun on them.
What Else Is Happening This Week?
That’s a great question.
Thursday!
- Senators vs. New Jersey
- 6:00 PM Texas Time
- ESPN+
In a bid for vengeance against the state which came up with the idea of handing control of North American commerce to a rich grifter who was once tried for alleged Mafia ties…the Sens will play the Devils. Devils games are always dangerous. Say what you will about that species, but they know their way around an inferno.
(Burnley plays Sheffield Wednesday on Saturday, which—yes, confusing. We *should* be back later this week with a preview. Will we? No way to know. There are multiple things that could stop that from happening, ranging from another port strike to me eating too much scotch tape.)
