It has come to my attention that different alcoholic drinks list their vibes on their vessels, using a metric named, “ABV.” ABV, I am told, stands for, “Always Be Vibin’.” Here are a few examples, from least vibes to most:
Utah Beer, pre-November 2019: 3.2% ABV
In November 2019 the Utah state legislature replaced their previous law limiting the state’s beer to 3.2% vibes. Utah gets it. Will Saudi Arabia follow?
Guinness: 4.2% ABV
No world records here, and some serious questions about vibes on the Emerald Isle. Starting to think that whole “The Troubles” thing could’ve been avoided.
Bud Heavy: 5.0% ABV
If you’ve ever brought a case of Budweiser to a party and been met with a look of confusion, you know that people aren’t always ready for this precise amount of vibes. Kind of an awkward amount of vibes, to be honest.
Franzia Cabernet: 12.5% ABV
Now we’re vibing.
Kahlúa: 20% ABV
The vibes in this Mexican coffee liqueur, produced in the United States by Keurig Dr Pepper, (When did those two American icons get together? Spicy!) are twenty percent.
Ojo de Tigre Mezcal: 40% ABV
A cheap-er mezcal, the eye of the tiger does, as you would guess, vibe.
Bacardi 151: 75.5% ABV
Fun fact: If you multiply a drink’s vibes by two, you get its “proof,” which is where the Bacardi 151 name comes from. Why do we call such a doubling “proof?” Well, proof of vibes requires two signatures.
Everclear: 95% ABV
Say what you will about Everclear, but it is a vibe.
