As you may have heard, there have been a few large earthquakes in California these last couple days. Evidently one of them even shook Dodger Stadium in the middle of last night’s game.
Thankfully, everyone seems to be ok (at least from what I’m hearing), though Ridgecrest residents suffered gas leaks, water main breaks, and some injuries.
But nobody—and I mean nobody, because as far as I know, scientists still have absolutely no understanding of what causes the earth to tremble beyond Marshawn Lynch touchdown runs—knows what’s causing these. Which is why I’m starting to wonder if Joe Kelly has angered the gods of the underworld.
It’s no secret Joe Kelly is an otherworldly force. After all, he regularly throws baseballs 100 mph, which is faster than mortals should be capable of throwing anything. If mortals were supposed to throw things that fast, God wouldn’t have created the bazooka.
So it was only a matter of time before the lesser gods realized Joe Kelly had escaped their realm, and now that they’re shaking the earth hard enough he can feel it, one must ask: Is Joe Kelly the cause?
Thankfully, as an otherworldly force himself, Joe Kelly is more likely than the rest of us to know if his peers are coming for him. And he’s also more likely to know how to fight them.
But we must be ready. And should he ask us to join the fight, we must be prepared.
The stability of foundations in the United States’ second-largest metropolitan statistical area might depend on it.
