How busy was this week of college football?
We will only mention Mike Gundy once in this blog post.
The worst of vibes, the best of vibes:
1. Brent Venables
I, for one, really enjoyed the Oklahoma message board suggestion that the fans go to Gaylord Family Stadium’s player exit yesterday to fight the team. I don’t endorse actually fighting college athletes. But threatening to, anonymously, on a message board? Hilarious move.
What led to this? It wasn’t only benching Jackson Arnold a few weeks ago. In fact, that probably wasn’t even a real problem. Dumb move? Yes. But it’s not like Jackson Arnold has played well this year. The real problem in Norman is that Brent Venables is so out of his depth when it comes to managing the offensive half of his football team that he allowed a benching of Jackson Arnold to happen. It’s ok to look for a spark here and there. But if you’re actually sitting your five-star, you’ve gotta have someone better than Michael Hawkins Jr. backing him up. It might be reasonable to sit D’Angelo Russell, but you don’t replace him with Swaggy P.
2. Lincoln Riley
Thankfully for Oklahoma fans, the grass is somehow even less green in Los Angeles. When people worried about USC getting beat physically in the Big Ten, I don’t think Maryland was the unstoppable force they had in mind. Now, the Trojans are 3–4, they still have to play Notre Dame, and three of their four remaining Big Ten opponents have winning records. This is Year Three for Riley in Los Angeles.
3. Auburn
If you don’t follow college football recruiting that closely, Auburn’s doing the thing this year where they throw a ton of money at high schoolers one time in an attempt to resurrect their disaster of a football program. That “one time” piece is key. There’s no indication Auburn will recruit at this level after the Class of 2025. We call it the Jimbo Fisher Plan.
2–5 overall and boasting an 0–4 SEC record, Hugh Freeze’s team goes to Lexington next week looking to choke away another game they should win.
4. Men Watching the CW
Long story short, we ended up with Washington State/Hawaii in the top left corner of our YouTube TV quad box yesterday on our second television. It’s a long story, and it’s inconsequential, but the important point is that we didn’t mean to be watching WSU/Hawaii. It came with the other games. We like Washington State, but we didn’t need to be watching it.
ANYWAY.
Afternoon football on the CW has the most boner pill commercials I have ever seen during one block of programming. Every time I looked at that corner of the screen, someone was trying to sell me a drug that would increase blood flow to my penis.
We’ve laughed before about how in college basketball, you get different commercials based on which conference is playing: Bojangles for the ACC, Wrangler Jeans for the Big 12. Our question here, then, is whether advertisers think Washington State fans are impotent old men, or whether advertisers think guys who watch CW football are impotent old men. Do I need to prove something to Madison Avenue??
5. Jim Harbaugh’s Fall Guys
There’s a scene in Fawlty Towers where concussed hotelier Basil Fawlty careens around the dining room of his seaside bed-and-breakfast trying desperately to not make things awkward with his German guests but continuously talking about World War II. An old German man ponders aloud: “How ever did they win?”
Jim Harbaugh won a national championship last year in large part thanks to Sherrone Moore. Moore seemed smart and competent and capable, a no-brainer decision to succeed Harbaugh in the head coaching role. As Harbaugh moved on to the NFL, a trail of checks cashing in his wake, Moore ascended to take the fall. Seven games into his tenure, he can’t figure out how to do what plenty of college football programs do regularly: Win with a limited quarterback. He can’t even pick which limited quarterback to lose with. Not only will Moore soon have to clean up all his old messiah’s messes, but he seems nothing like the guy who understood all Michigan needed to do to beat Penn State last year was hand the ball off fifty times.
How ever did they win?
6. James Madison
James Madison did the thing again. This wasn’t as bad as the UL Monroe loss (we don’t think), but it was even more damaging. JMU went from being the clear favorite in the best Group of Five conference to sitting at 1–2 in Sun Belt play with virtually no path to the conference championship game.
In other news, out of Clay Helton, Lincoln Riley, and Brent Venables, Clay Helton has the best win–loss record this year. Georgia Southern, stand up.
7. Alabama
Imagine this is August and I—the proud owner of a time machine—arrive at your doorstep with a set of four apples. One apple is Alabama losing to Vanderbilt. Another apple is Alabama struggling against teams like South Carolina. Another apple is Alabama losing a big game to a redshirt freshman quarterback who’s missing receivers all day. The fourth apple is Alabama missing the College Football Playoff. I tell you to choose one.
Kalen DeBoer is trying to slam all four apples into his mouth. Seeds and all.
8. Texas Quarterbacks
I really like Quinn Ewers. I don’t have any negative feelings towards Arch Manning. I was excited about the game last night in Austin, and Texas losing is under my skin, to the point where I’m wondering if I’ve become a real live Texas fan. I love Sark, and it sucks to see his coronation ruined, and I’m sad for Ewers and the little kids who wear Longhorn jerseys and play tackle football in the corner of the golf course over by the Hancock H–E–B.
This screengrab is so funny, though. This is so, so funny. You see, we’re accustomed to seeing one quarterback on a bench looking like an opposing defense is about to frame him for the murder of an entire city. In this picture, there are two of them. Two! There are two people saying, *record scratch*, “I bet you’re wondering how I got here.”
9. Field Goals
The blogosphere complained in September that kickers were making too many kicks.
I am no longer hearing these complaints.
10. Still Not Brian Kelly
He doesn’t have good vibes, but college football’s king of discomfort is two thirds of the way through a season-defining stretch, and he’s 2–0. LSU won the trap game, and they did it handily, whooping the team who beat the team who beat the team who beat Georgia. As Joe pointed out yesterday, eleven (now twelve) SEC teams have looked like a puddle of lukewarm piss at some point this year. (Joe used more polished language.) It is very charitable to not include LSU’s performance against South Carolina in the list. But looking at it: Is LSU the best team in the SEC? Is Mississippi? “No, no,” you say, “It’s Georgia.” And yet Georgia doesn’t play like that every week.
1. Hoosiers
Kicking off the best vibes list: Indiana is a murderous machine rampaging through the Big Ten Conference. I don’t know where it ends, but I hope it’s with Curt Cignetti running Mike Woodson out of town in February and announcing that, fresh off a national championship in football, he will now resurrect the basketball program. I hope Curt Cignetti then invades Purdue, supplies arms to Louisville in a shadow war with Kentucky, deposes Dusty May and installs Kenny Payne as Michigan’s basketball coach, and creates a Lou Holtz clone in a lab to follow Ryan Day around eating chocolate pudding. I want Curt Cignetti to turn UCLA into a puppet government. I want Curt Cignetti to have his own military.
2. Bryson Daily
Speaking of the military:
Bryson Daily, a quarterback, now leads the FBS in rushing touchdowns. Ashton Jeanty does not. Considering Ashton Jeanty is also not preparing to serve his country in the military, I think we can consider the Heisman race settled.
3. Brady Cook
Have you ever been to an emergency room? You know how it takes for-fucking-ever?
Have you ever left a college football stadium’s parking lot? You know how it takes for-fucking-ever?
Have you ever waited for MRI results after the MRI itself is done? You know how it takes for-fucking-ever?
To be fair, University Hospital is one thousand feet from Memorial Stadium in Columbia, Missouri. Still, Brady Cook managed to leave the stadium, get an MRI, return, warm up in a separate facility, and lead the Tigers to a comeback win over Auburn, all in the span of a couple hours. Just when Mizzou fans were ready to remember Brady Cook as the quarterback he is, Brady Cook saved both his legacy and his fanbase’s experience as football fans by reminding them that he would do just about anything for Mizzou. Love isn’t about finding some flawless person. Love is about showing up.
4. Fan Innovation
Maybe others have used light-up towels before, but if we can pretend Columbus discovered America, we can call the Fargodome the first stadium in the country to use light-up rally towels.
Meanwhile, Texas fans internalized that idea we talked about after the Notre Dame/Ohio State game last year: Fans always have the option to stop a play. There are consequences, but fans can delay the game as long as it needs to be delayed. Proud of you, Longhorns. Like Brady Cook, you showed up.
5. Chris Brazzell II
I don’t think we’ve talked enough about this catch.
(Side note: I wish we had offensive linemen in other careers. Imagine efficiently bagging a set of groceries and getting to celebrate afterwards with a bunch of 300-pound hype men.)
6. Big 12 Undefeateds
Did Iowa State and BYU play well? Not really. Did Iowa State and BYU win dramatically under the lights in October, staying undefeated and etching each of their quarterback’s names into historic spaces on the grand tapestry of the respective university’s history? Yes. Unbelievable finishes from the Jewish guy who plays quarterback at BYU and the Floridian who plays quarterback at Iowa State. Wildly out of place, and making that place their own. America, baby.
7. Uga
This bulldog, described as “really young and immature and crazy as hell,” didn’t lift a single toebean as his football team knocked off Bevo’s. He saw what Bevo did to his predecessor, and he still didn’t even give Bevo the dignity of attending last night’s game. Uga sent his people to handle that on his behalf. The guy probably slept through most of the four quarters.
What a vibe.
8. Cam Ward
Ok, I will admit: Cam Ward is electric. We’ve been waiting for Miami to return to being Miami, but Cam Ward keeps keeping that from happening. He rocks. He rules. He is establishing Incarnate Word as an elite quarterback feeder program. I cannot think of a better use for that university. San Antonio makes perfect sense as the place to develop quarterbacks. Don’t ask me to explain. Come to Texas for a few weeks. It’ll click.
9. Fake Punts
Dan Campbell might have known we had this coming. Needed to get into the action just now. Anyway, great fake punts yesterday by Louisville and Notre Dame, but GREAT fake punt by Illinois. Look at this punter sell this fake. The flailing arms. The off-balance landing. This is the best play of the college football season.
10. Juan Soto
I was cheering for the Guardians, but I must concede a vibe when I see one. Or when I see Juan, that is.
