They did it. Central Arkansas made sure college football happened. And in their honor (or disgrace, depending how much you like this blog post/how good or bad college football turns out this year), here’s the first string of a depth chart made entirely of dogs, with the only rule being you only get one of each breed.
Offense
Well, we’re obviously running the wishbone.
LT – Newfoundland
RT – St. Bernard
Good luck getting around these guys. And even if you do, you’re gonna be covered in slobber.
LG – Great Dane
RG – Mastiff
Not exactly quick when pulling, and the Great Dane’s got some work to do on lowering the pads, but they’ll get the job done.
C – Boxer
What he lacks in size, he makes up for with intellect (I don’t know what centers do besides snap it and block but I see them pointing a lot so I assume it helps to be smart).
TE – Golden Retriever
If you think goldens can’t block, you’ve never tried to pass one when it’s trying to get you to take the tennis ball out of its mouth and throw it across the living room.
WR – Labrador Retriever
Still focusing on blocking, because I don’t think the Poodle can pass. But down seven late in the game? This guy can pull in the deep ball.
QB – Poodle
Smart. Pretty boy. Used to being asked to breed. Easy to hate if things are going poorly.
HB1 – Husky
HB2 – Border Collie
Contrasting styles, with the Collie making guys miss and the Husky used to carrying the load. Good luck to anyone playing this team in the snow.
FB – English Bulldog
No, I don’t think this would be a good idea because I don’t think bulldogs can breathe very well, but you can’t have a football team of dogs and not put a bulldog at fullback. They send you to Internet Hell™ if you do that.
Defense
Going with a 3-4 base on this side of the ball because, well, it’s what was arbitrarily chosen.
RE – Rottweiler
LE – Pit Bull
I will not make a Michael Vick Revenge Game joke. I will not make a Michael Vick Revenge Game joke. I will not make a Michael Vick Revenge Game joke.
NT – Black Bear
Feel like we could sneak at least one bear onto the field, especially if it was a small one.
MIKE – Pointer
Ready to call the shots.
TED – Dalmatian
Ready to make some hits.
SLD – German Shepherd
WLB – Doberman Pinscher
Ready to contain the rush on the edge.
RCB – Jack Russell Terrier
LCB – Mini Schnauzer
Small. Quick. Got hops (I think, not sure about the Schnauzer but my buddy Clyde who is a Mini Schnauzer looks like he has hops).
FS – Australian Shepherd
Keeping the receiver in front of him is literally in this dog’s DNA.
SS – Corgi
Oh, you think this is funny? Well don’t forget that low man (or dog) wins.
Special Teams
Return Specialist – Greyhound
Obviously.
K – French Bulldog
We aren’t actually going to try to kick. That would be a disaster. We’re going for two every time and we’re just gonna take penalties on kickoffs, I’d guess. But a French Bulldog in a football helmet would get so many likes on Instagram that it’d be Blogger Malpractice to not roster one, and I do not have Blogger Malpractice Insurance.
P – Labrador Retriever again
Seems like if one of these dogs was going to figure out how to punt, it’d be the lab.
