Conference USA Wednesday: What to Know

One of my favorite things about Conference USA is that thanks to its name, you can argue every game on the league schedule is the national championship. Another of my favorite things? It refuses to die. The prank candle of athletic conferences, none of the league’s founding members are still involved with the operation, and eight of the nine current teams have been members for ten years or shorter. Chances are, every single one of them is trying to find a better situation. But Conference USA persists, the payday loan of collegiate athletics. Schools never want to need it, but there are reasons it sticks around.

Conference USA’s in a tough spot. Every time we’re reminded it exists, we’re reminded it’s very bad, but the alternative is fading into the ether, and that isn’t something any conference wants. Even the Pac-12, the paragon of indifference towards college sports, woke up and raised quite a ruckus as it was evicted from the bar. Conferences love to exist, and sometimes they do things to remind us of that existence. Conference USA’s latest attempt at asserting its presence? Weeknight games. It isn’t novel (the MAC has been doing it for years) and we don’t want it (if anything, we want more weeknight Sun Belt games), but here it is. Tonight, a small number of people will watch Conference USA football games rather than playoff baseball, the sports fan equivalent of someone paying for Arby’s when Raising Cane’s is giving away their full menu for free.

If you are among those people, or if you have a lot of screens to fill, or if you—like me—just like the idea of knowing what’s going on in Conference USA on a Wednesday night, here is what to know. Game by game, question by question, here is the Conference USA situation, as it pertains to tonight.

Jacksonville State @ Middle Tennessee

Are these teams good?

No, they stink.

How badly do these teams stink?

Not that badly.

Would either of them beat Incarnate Word, the fourth-best team in the FCS?

Probably not, but I’d be interested in the Jacksonville State matchup.

So Jacksonville State’s the better team?

Probably. That’s part of what we’ll find out tonight. We think Jacksonville State’s better. We think they’re the third-best team in Conference USA. But even with six Jacksonville State games in the books, we aren’t sure of that, which is most of what gives this game its weight. There’s an angle here where you could say the winner of this is Conference USA’s third-best team. It’s a placeholder third place game.

So the winner might make the Conference USA championship?

Oh, no. No, no, no. I mean, technically maybe, if it’s Middle Tennessee. But Jacksonville State’s not eligible for postseason NCAA play (still transitioning from the FCS), and our impression is that Conference USA won’t let them into the conference championship because of that, even if they finish in first or second place in the regular season.

You’re not sure, though?

No, we’re not sure. We spent a lot of time trying to figure it out a month and a half ago, and we spent more time trying to figure it out just now, but Conference USA is not as forthcoming with its answers as it is with making us pay cursory attention to football in the middle of the week.

What should I know about Jacksonville State?

Well, it’s in Alabama, and Rich Rodriguez is the coach. That should do it.

What should I know about Middle Tennessee?

I think you’re good. Middle Tennessee is in Tennessee. The middle of it, in fact.

Why aren’t they Middle Tennessee State anymore?

I think they still are, and that they’re just branding themselves as Middle Tennessee? They seem to use both, as well as MTSU. Honestly, I’m guessing they got a little tired of writing the whole thing out.

Anything else?

Well, I just pulled up their Wikipedia page, to make sure Rick Stockstill was still the coach (he is), and I’m seeing their field surface is Sportexe PowerBlade turf. So, no. Nothing else.

FIU @ New Mexico State

Are these teams good?

No, they stink.

How badly do these teams stink?

These teams really stink.

How is FIU 3–2?

UConn and North Texas also really stink.

Would either of these teams beat Southern Illinois, the sixth-best team in the FCS?

I would be surprised.

Who stinks worse?

FIU.

Even though they have a winning record?

Look, it’s college football. There are ways to start 3–2.

Why are these guys in the FBS?

You know, I think the NCAA just asked that.

The I stands for International, right?

I share that impression.

And FIU’s in Miami?

In and around, it appears. Lot of spots on Google Maps.

What are these guys playing for?

Well, FIU’s trying to not finish in last place, something they haven’t accomplished since 2019. New Mexico State has a shot at making a bowl game, and they’re in that mix trying to be the third-best team in the league.

That sounds pretty positive for NMSU.

Yeah, it does. Honestly, NMSU’s in a better spot these days. They used to be so bad that not even Conference USA wanted them. Remember when the Sun Belt kicked them out?

How did NMSU get better?

I don’t know if this is how they did it, but it happened when they hired Jerry Kill.

The NIU/Minnesota guy?

That’s the one.

Is he ok?

I don’t know. He’s back into coaching, so that’s a good sign. I guess the seizure stuff started in 2011. He left Minnesota all the way back in 2015. Jerry Kill is making me feel old. I didn’t expect Jerry Kill to do that.

Me neither.

What else you got?

Any news on the field turf in Las Cruces?

Wikipedia just says it’s artificial.

Dang.

Agreed. I wanted a name that didn’t include any real words.