I know I’m not supposed to support the destruction of property, but something primitive inside me stirs when I see videos of a good riot.
To be clear, I definitely don’t enjoy people getting hurt. Unless they get hurt doing something like riding a flaming scooter, in which case I do enjoy it.
So let’s amend that second claim to: I definitely don’t enjoy people hurting other people.
That’s better.
To recap, feelings on riots are:
- I know I shouldn’t like them, but I can’t help myself.
- People shouldn’t hurt each other.
With those basic moral ground rules established, let’s talk about Lubbock!
It’s not every day that Texas Tech fans riot. If it were, it would be concerning. The National Guard would likely become involved. It would be considerably less fun.
But last night, upon winning a big basketball game (not as big as any NIT game, but still pretty neat for a program that’s only made the NIT Final Four once), Texas Tech fans rioted, and they rioted well.
Wow.
Quick reactions:
- A naked guy on the roof of Red Raider Outfitters. Sounds like something that should happen more often. Bravo, dude. Hope you got down ok.
- Being a police officer would stink.
- The destruction of cars is a bit troubling. But at the same time, insurance covers that, right? And when it doesn’t, it’s one of those cases where the car was brought forth for the occasion like a lamb for slaughter? (According to reliable news source twitter.com, that cars-being-offered-for-flipping actually happens. It’s unclear if it happened last night in Lubbock, but it isn’t unheard of, and at least one of the flipped cars had its license plates removed. Am I talking myself into this explanation because it marginally improves the morals here? Yes. Is it plausible at least some of those cars were voluntarily flipped? Yes.).
But the real story here—the innovative twist we, as a society, need to celebrate—is what happened to the scooters.
There are a lot of things to love about this:
- Fewer scooters on the roads means less drunk driving of scooters, meaning fewer scooter deaths. Burning scooters is good for safety!
- They didn’t just light one scooter on fire. They made a pile of scooters, then lit that pile on fire. They made a scooter bonfire.
- I repeat: A bonfire fueled by scooters.
Texas Tech can’t top this, and I don’t mean that as a challenge. Even if they win Monday, they shouldn’t try to top it. Riots are best when the following aspects are present:
- They happen organically.
- No one tries too hard.
- Creativity is put to good use.
- The damage is covered by insurance companies, those wonderful non-profits who charitably support general mischief.
In Lubbock, the riot was not, to my knowledge, advertised ahead of time. No one was going around saying: Hey! If we win tonight we should build a bonfire of scooters! It just happened—divine inspiration, if you will (again, this is just my understanding, and if the scooter burning was premeditated that’s still amazing but feels more contrived).
From what I can tell, everyone tried appropriately hard. The riot wasn’t about any one person. It was a team effort. An entire community coming together to destroy each other’s property on Corporate America’s dime.
We’ve already covered the creativity. A bonfire of scooters. I’m not sure van Gogh could have conceived anything more beautiful.
I think insurance will cover all the damages. I don’t know this, but it makes sense, and it helps justify my unjustifiable position that this stuff’s the best.
If Texas Tech tries again on Monday, it’s likely that the creativity will be gone. It’ll feel contrived. People will be trying too hard.
So for now, let’s enjoy this. Let’s celebrate a job well done. Whether you wear a Stetson or a beanie, a bucket hat or a beret, take a moment and tip your cap to what was accomplished up in the panhandle last night.
Well done, Lubbock.
Well done.
