For those of you unaware of what transpired between myself and burpees over the early part of May, let’s set the stage.
- On May 1st, Shaka Smart challenged Longhorn Nation to complete 100 burpees a day for 30 straight days.
- Because Shaka Smart was nice to me at the 2019 NIT media day, I took Longhorn Nation to include me.
- On May 2nd, I began doing burpees.
- I continued doing burpees for ten days.
- On the tenth night, that of May 11th, I began experiencing intermittent swelling in the greater region of my groin/lower abdomen.
- On the eleventh day, May 12th, I issued a statement saying that I would be terminating my participation in the burpee challenge and seeking medical attention.
Well, today was the day. I finally got in to see the doctor.
When I scheduled the appointment, I played it cool. “Anything wrong?” they asked me. “Nope, just need a physical,” I said, knowing my insurer covers one general doctor visit a year. The Internet™ made it sound like I might need an ultrasound, and I wasn’t going to risk paying for one of those if I didn’t need it. Save one for the pregnant ladies.
I’m not entirely sure the receptionist believed me. A 25-year-old man, who’d just gone to the doctor a year ago, voluntarily returning in the middle of a pandemic for nothing more than a routine checkup? Thankfully, they didn’t ask too many questions. They let me play it my way.
Over the weeks between then and now, the swelling has receded, and the pain has morphed. Not to get too graphic, but rather than there being pain in the exact place the swelling occurred, there’s now often some dull aching in specific places around the region. Very dull aching. A one out of ten on the pain scale. But, you know, enough to concern a childless young adult who’s spent too much time looking at anatomical depictions of the male reproductive system while asking himself what, exactly, hurts. My hunch was that I was pretty much fine. But I am not a doctor. I am an NIT blogger. Those are at opposite ends of the qualified-to-diagnose-genital-injury spectrum. And I entered the heavily sanitized doctor’s office today conscious of that gap.
The visit is over. The verdict is in.
It does not appear I have a hernia. It sounds unlikely I had or have a sports hernia. The pain is likely a remnant of the initial injury (which was probably a pulled muscle or muscle spasm) or of another, lesser injury sustained at the same time that I just didn’t notice because, well, the burpees made pretty much everything hurt.
In other words, no surgery. Just more rest, maybe a little Tylenol here and there, and no burpees for the foreseeable future. The throat and lymph nodes were fine. Heart rate was fine. Ears are still evidently pretty messed up, because they asked if I’ve had tubes, which has happened at every doctor’s visit I’ve ever taken post-pediatrician even though I’ve not, in fact, had tubes. Most importantly, no signs of a hernia.
Blood pressure’s a little high, though.
