Burnley plays again today (tomorrow, depending on timing and time zone and all that jazz), and the good thing about routinely losing 5-0 when you play Man City is that it doesn’t bother you to lose 5-0 to Man City. The last time Burnley lost 5-0 to Man City? Bounced back and didn’t lose for seven matches. Time before that? Four straight lossless matches. Time before that? Well, that was back in 1999. I’m not looking that up.
Whom:
Burnley vs. Everton
What:
Premier League match number ten, for Burnley. Everton’s had eleven because the devil likes them more.
Where:
That’s a good question. Turf Moor, right? Checking…hang with me here…checking…clicking…yes. Turf Moor.
When:
6:30 AM American Central Standard Time
How to Watch:
NBCSN! Looks like I’m gonna be distracted during my Saturday morning FaceTime with Johnny.
What’s at Stake:
Fulham won (dicks), and so did West Brom (someone had to lose that match, and no I know they didn’t actually have to but we are not at the point of having to cheer for ties), so Burnley’s back to 19th. Relegation probability’s at 44%. For Everton, I don’t know what’s at stake. They’re probably trying to finish in fifth or seventh or whatever the joke is.
The Odds:
The YAHOO SPORTS APP™ says BetMGM says Everton’s a -110 “favorite,” with Burnley at +310 and a draw at +250.
Haters.
The Opponent:
Everton. Not Everham, which I always want to call them and was maybe the name of a guy in NASCAR? Ray Everham? Checking that too hold on.
*waiting*
Ray Evernham. One letter off. First question people ask on Google is if he has cancer. Let’s check that.
*waiting again*
Ermm…sounds like no? Sounds like his son had leukemia back in the early 90’s, though. Scary. Sounds like he’s ok? Goodness this has taken a dark turn. I can’t leave you hanging, though. You’ve read this far.
*waiting yet again, this time somewhat uncomfortably*
Ok, I’m not 100% on this being the right Ray J Evernham (yes, his name is Ray J), but it looks like he is alive and doing pretty well. Longer story than that but you do not have to worry that I just stumbled into sharing a heartbreaking story in here about a kid dying of cancer. We’re good.
Everton’s the one that’s been in the Premier League forever but never wins it.
Burnley News:
I don’t know, man. I’m rattled. I should go to bed this match starts in seven hours.
Bertie News:
Again, nothing. NOTHING AT ALL I MEAN CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME IF BERTIE IS OK SOME OF US CARE ABOUT MASCOTS ALRIGHT?!?
