Are there experts out there on boogers? Do ENT’s know a lot about boogers? My friend’s dad’s an ENT. I asked my friend to ask his dad about my ingrown nosehair problem once. His dad told him to tell me I was either plucking nosehairs or picking my nose, and neither was a good thing to do. I let the conversation die.
A little more than a month ago, I threw out my back and brought myself down with constant diarrhea, all in the same evening (more or less). The back was out for about four days (I only got stuck on the ground three times, thankfully). The diarrhea lasted eight days. Somewhere in that window, I started having tons of boogers in my nose. Not snot—that’s normal for me, I was always one of those kids putting chapstick on his nose in middle school because I’d rubbed it raw with the cuff of my Hanes sweatshirt. No, not snot. Boogers. Defined boogers. (Look, you clicked on a blog post entitled “Boogers.” You signed up for this.)
The boogers have not stopped since that week of incidents, and folks, let me tell you: I hate having so many boogers in my nose. Snot? That’s fine. With snot, you blow your nose and you’re done for a little while. Boogers are worse. They’re uncomfortable while they’re in there. They get stuck places, sometimes visible places. They’re harder to send down the sink when you’re in the bathroom. Boogers are a bad, bad time, and I don’t know how to stop them. I have so many. I used to have almost none! Am I dehydrated?
If you know a booger expert, or if you yourself are a booger expert, please find me. I need help. But also…can you pretend it’s you who’s asking for the help? You can say “a friend of mine,” but maybe in the way where they think it’s you? I don’t want to be the booger guy. I’m a lot of guys, and I think that’s enough. I don’t need boogers to be one of them.
