Live long enough and you will learn that Boise gives its residents large quantities of gold (this is statistically true). I learned about the gold yesterday, when after hearing someone ask why it takes so long to get to Boise, a friend of the blog who lives in The City of Trees (he’s the same one who told us about the potato, and I mean the potato, not potatoes in general, we knew about those before he moved to Boise) explained that they need to make it difficult or else everyone will steal their gold. I’m assuming this is also why Boise decided to call itself the City of Trees. I don’t know of a city that does not have trees, so if your strategy for finding Boise was to go from city to city looking for it, knowing it had trees wouldn’t help you at all.
Evidently, when you move to Boise and switch to an Idaho driver’s license, they give you gold, and lots of it. The friend in question began talking about his dream car, and unlike me, it was not a Wienermobile replica capable of driving 200 miles per hour while playing ice cream truck-like versions of songs by The Killers (let’s take a minute and imagine the Doppler effect on 1. an ice cream truck and 2. an ice cream truck playing music by The Killers). It’s proven. Boise gives its people gold. This, of course, has us asking other questions:
- Does Carson City give its residents silver?
- Where did Boise get the gold?
- How stupid is the mainstream media for not covering this?
- How corrupt is the mainstream media for not covering this?
- What kind of gold is it, provided there are different kinds of gold and I didn’t just get confused by the jewelry industry?
- Do the words “jewelry” and “Jewish” have the same root? (If so, kind of messed up. If not, kind of an unfortunate coincidence.)
- It is also hard to get to North Korea. Does North Korea also give its residents gold?
- What else do North Korea and Boise have in common?
- Does Boise get away from this by saying, No no no we were talking about the golden potatoes, guys!?
You may have more questions. We hope you do. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves, or, if you’re brave enough, to discuss with us. Also, if this post gets deleted or we post a, “Whoops, no gold in Boise!” post soon, please do not look in our safe.
