Remember when Texas lost to Kansas? The second time, I mean. I’m not talking about 2016, when Texas scored a big early-season win over a historic program only to go on to lose to the Jayhawks. Although, now that I write that, let’s change what we’re talking about.
Remember when Texas lost to Kansas? The first time, I mean. I’m not talking about 2021, when Texas was already a mess by the time the Jayhawks arrived in Austin on that beautiful November night. I’m talking about 2016, when Texas scored a big early-season win over a historic program only to go on to lose to the Jayhawks. That 2016 season was wild. A top-ten win to start the year. A top-ten win halfway through the year, just when it seemed all was lost. An overtime loss to Kansas the Saturday before Thanksgiving, when all really was lost. Remember Sterlin Gilbert? He’s at Cal now.
The reason I was going to bring up 2021 vs. Kansas was to say how far this program has come. I do think that’s true. It’s come such a long way under Steve Sarkisian. But man…it’s really easy to believe the Texas hype. It’s dangerously easy to buy into the Back-ness. Texas was a lot better last year than it was in 2015, but you just never know, you know? What if Texas isn’t Back?
So, having diverted ourselves from breathless anticipation, let’s list all the ways this could go wrong for the Longhorns. I swear I’m not trying to will these into existence. The opposite, in fact! I’m in on the Longhorns. I’ve compartmentalized the treatment Shaka Smart received. I’m on the bandwagon. This isn’t haterade. This is war games.
Scenario 1: Quinn Ewers Gets Hurt and Arch Manning Stinks
I don’t think I have to explain this scenario. I also don’t think there’s much Texas can do if it happens. Texas can’t just go and retrieve Hudson Card or Maalik Murphy, funny as it would be to see the school sue the NCAA for trying to stop them. I don’t know how you prepare for this one.
Scenario 2: Quinn Ewers Gets Hurt and Arch Manning’s Good But Then Ewers Comes Back
The idea here is a QB controversy. I don’t think Sark would be too fazed by it, but could he keep the players in line? The specific scenario is something like: Ewers starts missing receivers and throwing dumb picks. Texas almost loses to Mississippi State. Against Oklahoma, Ewers gets knocked out of the game in the second half and Manning leads a game-winning touchdown drive. For Ewers, though, it’s just a stinger. Who starts against Georgia in this hyper-specific scenario I’ve invented?
I don’t have the answer. I’m just saying Texas should make a gameplan. For those of you reading this: My recommendation is to not freak out. Roll with whatever Sark says. He’s smarter than you are.
Scenario 3: Texas Loses to Oklahoma
Always possible. This is what Texas did last year, and that turned out fine. Was last year practice for this year? Did Texas have a bead on the eventual SEC schedule? Did Texas know a loss to Oklahoma in 2024 would come at a terrible time, right before Georgia came to Austin? Did Texas have ulterior motives in losing that game, including but not limited to getting Dillon Gabriel out of Norman while keeping Brent Venables’s seat cool? Did Steve Sarkisian plan all of this??
Clearly, Texas has this covered. Scenario 3 is possible, but it is not a risk.
Scenario 4: Georgia Beats the Shit Out of Texas
Honestly, this is the likeliest one. I don’t like ‘em either right now (that’s part of why I’m on the Texas bandwagon—anything involving wheels and Georgia is a no from me), but they’re good. They’re really good. Texas could be the second-best team in the country, and Georgia could pound them in Austin. And then Georgia could pound them again in the SEC Championship. And then Georgia could pound them again in the national championship. Have you ever heard of the Utah Jazz?
Like Scenario 1, I don’t think Texas can specifically prepare for Scenario 4, by which I mean that everything they’re doing is already preparing them for Scenario 4. They’re trying to avoid it by being really good at football. It looks like it’s working. But: Remember 2016?
Scenario 5: Widespread Civil Unrest
The nice thing here is that Texas A&M would probably be marching towards Washington, seventy-thousand strong.
Scenario 6: All the Running Backs Die
It sure seems like Jaydon Blue is fine, but for a little bit there on Saturday, it looked like Texas was going to lose its third running back, and while NFL free agency has taught me running backs are always replaceable, I’m pretty sure there’s a limit? I would love to watch an open walk-on tryout for Texas running backs, but I don’t think Kyle Flood would.
Scenario 7: A Calamitous Upset
Candidates:
- Vanderbilt (in Nashville, one week after an Oklahoma/Georgia fortnight)
- Florida (in Austin, coming off the SEC bye week)
- Arkansas (in Fayetteville, possibly with an interim coach)
I don’t want to say the last one. I’ll let you fill in the blank. It’d be bad. You wouldn’t like it. I don’t know that I’d mind it that much—I definitely understand that Aggies are weird, but as a bandwagon-jumper I’m not personally offended by their Texas obsession—but you would really, really mind it. I think the key, again, is to trust Sark. If I need to have a broader point here, let’s call it that: You guys should trust Steve Sarkisian. He’s good at this.
(Although…would I have said that about Charlie Strong?)
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We will reconvene later this week to discuss the Texas/UTSA rivalry (which looks 100 times less relevant than it did a couple years ago) and other Longhorn matters, like those H–E–B commercials with Madisen Skinner. Stay nutty, friends.
