Welcome to Bevo’s Fake Nuts, our sometimes-occasional, sometimes-weekly column about the Texas Longhorns.
Texas is hosting a Regional this weekend in baseball, and I’m envious of those who will attend. I’m heading out of town, and I’m happy about the trip, but I’m envious. Because an NCAA baseball regional sounds very, very fun.
One of the things I’ve realized, living in a college town, is that college sports are probably incredible entertainment for kids. Cheaper to attend than their professional equivalents, nice and local, at a more attainable level for an athletics-oriented middle schooler…if I have kids in a college town, I like to think that I will take my kids to more games than they could ever count, like the dad of the guy I know who grew up in Fairfield and is now intimately familiar with the MAAC.
With Texas specifically, it would be especially fun (though also a lot pricier than at Fairfield), because the sports are generally good. I’ve gotten three emails in the last eleven days about two instances of lighting the tower, and both the baseball and softball teams are in contention to add to that number. So, as we look ahead to our future, let’s go through Texas’s varsity sports (and rugby) and figure out which I’d take my kids to:
Football
Yes, obviously, but seems like a once-a-year thing, or if there were a particularly big game, or if there were a particularly small game? Maybe I should look into buying season tickets for this already. I’m on a season ticket kick. Except season tickets are an investment in a franchise, and I don’t know that I want to invest in UT football.
Men’s & Women’s Cross Country
Not happening, partially because there’s a maximum of one home meet a year, right? Let this one pass. Autumn is a busy season.
Men’s & Women’s Golf
No to this one too. I’m not heading out to Steiner Ranch on anything but business.
Men’s & Women’s Basketball
Yes, obviously, and yes to season tickets. If you have kids in a college town and you can afford basketball season tickets and you don’t buy basketball season tickets, what are you doing to your offspring? And to yourself?
Women’s Soccer
Definitely, although I haven’t checked to see if the view of the skyline is still really freaking cool from the soccer field. Used to be, but sightlines are always changing in Austin.
Men’s & Women’s Tennis
I could get into this, I think. If it’s completely empty, maybe not, but if there’s any sort of crowd, I could get into this. Seems like it might be one where the kids can run around, too. Need some of that. That’s the nice thing about high school sports.
Volleyball
Oh man, 100% yes. I have been told that volleyball games at Gregory Gym are the best thing to do in Austin, and from what I’ve seen, I believe it.
Baseball
Yes, college baseball is fun.
Softball
Yes, college softball is fun.
Rugby
I don’t know? Seems more tournament-based. Maybe if my kids show a proclivity for violence and I want to channel that healthily.
Women’s Rowing
If Texas has a rowing meet on Town Lake, I will try to be around it but I probably won’t follow the action. Unless my kid just fuckin’ loves boats. Then, we’re a boat family.
Men’s & Women’s Swimming & Diving
Maybe? Again, meet-based, so not a home-game thing where you can really follow a team, but I know UT’s good at it, and Lady NIT did swim competitively growing up, so maybe our kids’ll have some flippers. (I am a terrible swimmer, by the way. It took me so long to get past the Guppy level at the YMCA that my mom had to flip me over to private lessons. I was cool with life jacket life, but she was not.)
Men’s & Women’s Track & Field
You gotta go to the Texas Relays, right? At least once?
***
Overall, priorities seem as follows:
1. Volleyball
2. Baseball
3. Softball
T-4. Basketball
6. Soccer
7. Football
T-8. Track & Field, Tennis, Swimming & Diving
14. Rowing
15. Rugby
T-16. Cross County
T-18. Golf
Glad we settled this hypothetical.
